Blog 10.1: I am salmon. Hear me gurgle?

What if awareness and obliviousness is the same thing?

Why do I persist in swimming against the current?

There are some words that I recently posted on my Facebook page as a reminder to myself that I am obviously not as wise as I would like to think.

“God, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference.”

Known by some as “The Serenity Prayer”, these wonderful words were written by a theologian named Reinhold Niebuhr.

This brings me to my first problem. I CANNOT ACCEPT THAT I CANNOT CHANGE THINGS! Nothing remains the same. Change is a part of nature. Evolution and entropy prove this. Everything is in a state of change- except it seems… us.

Being aware sucks!

In my next life I am shooting for oblivious.

My personal hell was created partially by choices and partially by genetics.

The choice part is that I maintain perpetual hope for humanity. As such, I have EXPECTATIONS for humans that are almost never met and still, I continue to “fight the good fight”. I do not know why. It is my nature. Someone once said (and it may have been me):

“If you do not have ANY expectations, then people will not let you down.”

I believe the underlying message here is that you must be self-reliant, self-assured, self-aware etc. These are good “self” words- not on the same list with self-obsessed or selfish. This brings me to my next problem: I believe that one individual cannot change the world- it will take a massive team effort that will force us to EXPECT things from others once again. It is a paradox.

I was born with the ability to learn and retain both useful knowledge and the ridiculously trivial. A short time ago, I was in my car with a friend talking about The Monkeys’ song I’m a Believer when to my amazement, I discovered that I could remember the names of all four members of that band and the instruments they played after more than forty years. This from a middle-aged guy who regularly walks into a room and does not remember what prompted him to be there. I am inquisitive by nature- endlessly asking questions and thirsting for knowledge. The human brain is fascinating.

“Youth is wasted on the young.”

School was too easy for me. I found it incredibly boring so I rarely went; yet somehow I managed to just scrape through. My sister by comparison, worked incredibly hard for her average grades and I could not understand why she found learning difficult. It seems that as intellectually capable as I was, I was not that AWARE. I ASSUMED that every human had it as easy as I did. This is yet another character flaw that I would carry throughout my young life.

In my teens and early twenties I lived to party. Sex, drugs, alcohol and Rock & Roll music were my regular escape from reality- a reality that I am all too aware of now.

At twenty-five, I had to clean up my act, cut my hair and put on a business suit to work with many people that were consummate professionals and who, on the surface at least, appeared to be my intellectual equals. Almost all had a University degree of some kind so I LEAPT TO THE CONCLUSION that they were intelligent people. I did begin to notice that they frequently “dropped the ball” through, what I ASSUMED was, inefficiency or a lack of vision, planning and organization. I could see patterns emerging that would lead to problems for them- both professionally and personally but for some reason they did not seem to see these indicators until things reached the crisis point.

I was aware of a law in physics that states:

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

I was applying this to the humans I met. They would take action without considering the possible outcomes and this is how I became an inadvertent student of human nature- always wondering why. It was at this point in my life that I began in earnest to study people.

Pre-destination?

In no time I was becoming keenly aware of the actions and reactions of others while remaining completely OBLIVIOUS of the fact that I too had a program that I was executing. I would remain that way until my early forties when I would finally get around an exploration of self. I discovered I had PATTERNS of my own.

The various academic disciplines all have different view-points about how our being is developed. Psychologists and sociologists believe that initially, we are but a blank slate and we learn our behavioural patterns as we mature. Geneticists and the brain sciences see us as little more than the sum of our genetic and chemical health. Theologians believe that the soul is placed in a human by a deity. Spiritualists believe that we are part of something bigger- a cosmic being if you will. Not one of these disciplines has unlocked the truth of the human mind and they have been at it for hundreds of years. The truth is most likely an amalgam of all of them.

The CONSEQUENCES of my own actions and the associated reactions allowed me to write a book and change career paths in mid-life. (“The jury is still out” as to whether or not that brave move will pay off.) Did I lead my life according to a plan that was programmed into my being just so I would arrive at this point- supplying the world with a book that encourages readers to become more aware? I hope not; as this makes me feel used, manipulated and diminished- little more than a character in a “SIM” game- just entertainment for some advanced intelligence, the universe or whatever.

Reincarnation and or karma:

Somewhere along the line and I know not where, I picked up a personal philosophy that I will share. We are here to learn lessons. We will continue to return to this existence until we learn those lessons. I have had many precognitive events in my life to date that suggest:

1) that I have lived these events before.

2) that I have a disorder that makes me believe I have seen these events in advance.

3) that I have subconsciously imagined ALL the possible outcomes of my actions and when in a semi-conscious state, occasionally glimpse them- later my conscious mind interprets them as actual memories.

I am good with 1 or 3.

Blogus interruptus… continued next week.

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as a global need for AWARENESS.

Have a good week and take notice of something going on in the world around you.

E. A.

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E. A. Barker

About the Author E. A. Barker is an under-achieving, occasionally brilliant, man-child now in mid-life who can get into High IQ sperm-banks the world over. He is a keen observational analyst, satirist, humorist, and researcher. He lacks doctorates in psychiatry, psychology, psychotherapy, medicine, genetics, theology, political science, sociology and physics and is completely okay with this; yet he is willing to challenge these experts to wake up and do better. E. A. believes he is an average guy in mid-life who has led a mostly average life. His readers may not agree with his assessment. The single biggest difference between him and most other people is his relentless pursuit of knowledge. Throughout his life he never stopped asking the simplest question: Why? E. A. thinks of himself as a collector of ideas and a purveyor of dot connections. He attempts to present his findings in an entertaining fashion in an effort to encourage people to read—especially men who are reading far too little these days. E. A. Barker is an advocate of education for its ability to affect societal reform and actively promotes the idea that a global conscience is possible.

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