How to fix America: I did your homework for you.

It’s easier than you think to create change if you keep your eye on your GOAL . . . and get off your butt.

466 days have slipped by and what have you done?

You have just 994 days left to make your move.

Big problems MUST require big solutions, right?


Any problem-solver will tell you that big problems are made up of a number of smaller more manageable and completely solvable issues.

Here are some big problems:

  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by the antics of their President and his gangsters.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by the possibility of elections tampering.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by what appears to be the rise of fascism.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by racism.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by sexism.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by the lack of federal government assistance to Americans hit by natural disasters.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by the loss of American military personnel being used in foreign lands allegedly to “protect” American interests; or to bring “freedom” to people nearly bombed into extinction.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by the ever-increasing loss of privacy in the emerging security state.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by the lack of senate and congressional oversight and accounting for the 21 TRILLION DOLLARS OF TAXPAYER’S MONEY spent primarily by the military and security agencies in recent years.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by the deportation tactics of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents who are willing to “just follow orders”.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by how “normal” mass shootings have become and how quickly they are forgotten.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED by the exceedingly poor quality Presidential candidates offered up by both parties in the last election.
  • Many Americans are OUTRAGED . . . we could go on and on, but it is time to look at what they all have in common.

Americans are OUTRAGED, and they should be!

But the sheer quantity of things causing them to be outraged is what keeps them from getting off their butts to do anything about ANY of these issues. There is a new big problem, reported in their media, which causes them to be outraged almost every day—new threats—new scandals—new protests. . .  Their news sources bombard them with new and exciting things to be outraged about to keep them from becoming FOCUSED on any one GOAL.

It is time every American became FOCUSED on their own personal GOAL to aid in fixing America.

This will require that you not be DISTRACTED or DIVERTED or DIVIDED by the daily nonsense being pumped out of Washington.

You will need to be PROACTIVE, because merely being REACTIVE just helps those in power maintain the status quo while moving their agendas forward.

Let’s look at why being reactive has not moved America towards positive change for over 60 years; while also looking at some of the time-wasting ineffectual reactive responses of outraged, but well-meaning, Americans who simply lacked a clear vision of how to create change.

  • PICKING A SIDE is a reactive response. We see this all the time on social media where Democrats are attempting to inform the public of the government’s latest insult to the American way of life, as though they are some kind of trusted news source. Some of them believe they can change the views of a Republican by informing them of the latest dirt on their party’s members. Some will engage in debates with GOP, Tea Party, and even white supremacist members, and then will resort to petty name-calling when they fail to make a dent.

None of this accomplishes anything because the GOAL is to convert people. You will only get a few rational fence-sitters for all your efforts, and this is not nearly enough to fix the big problems.

  • SUPPORTING A CAUSE is a reactive response. IT FEELS GOOD to be a part of a protest march for women’s rights, or to stop a pipeline, or to occupy Wall Street.

If the march only accomplishes a heightened awareness or rehashing of the issues rather than producing immediate results or an actionable plan; then we have no choice but to stamp it “ineffectual”.

WORKING A CAUSE within an organization of people with a clear GOAL is the proactive response.

It will mean getting up, showing up, and joining up. Some of you might even throw some money at it.

  • If you vote Republican without joining the party so you have a voice; then you are not helping.

  • If you vote Democrat without joining the party so you have a voice; then you are not helping.

  • If you hate both of those? Check out these alternatives.

Almost all of America’s biggest OUTRAGE inducing problems are a result of a government representatives lacking either a conscience or the bravery to stand up to the bankers, agencies, corporations, and other groups who believe themselves to be out of the reach of the taxpayer’s wrath. Keep this in mind when you are asked to choose, nominate, or support a candidate.

Only YOUR INVOLVEMENT can create a tidal wave of change.

  • You need to get EVERYONE out to vote.

  • You need to REFORM your electoral system.

  • Here is a directory of 37 organizations that are working towards electoral or political change. I am certain there is an organization whose GOALS for America parallel your own.

The days of being an observer on the sidelines are over.

It is up to you, and the other 235,248,000 people who are of voting age in America to get busy on something meaningful.

If you do, you will scare the crap out of all the reprobates currently working on Wall Street and in D.C.

Taxpayers and voters are the most powerful people in America, but politicians and bankers don’t want you to know that.

Please get off your butts and create change while you still have the freedom to do so.

Most of the other 6.7 billion people on Earth are very concerned about you.



Radical Christian Extremists Are Active in My Neighborhood—A Christmas Story.

I just witnessed an act of Christian terrorism on my street.

While many of us were erecting ladders to put up Christmas lights, others had even more politically incorrect intentions.

A woman with her three girls from a few doors down, just skulked passed my house carrying a large standup carboard cutout of Jesus which they covertly placed in front of another neighbor’s house, a few doors up the street from where I live. I am guessing this mom is an artist, and the girls all participated in this craft project. I do not know either of these neighbors, but I grinned as the perpetrators ran by in a full retreat. A short while later, the terrorist leader mom walked by again to take a picture of their evil-doings; presumably to be used in a propaganda victory speech which would undoubtedly be posted on their radical facebook page tagging the victims. As she returned from her photo recon bomb damage assessment mission, she commented to me, rather matter of factly, “He hates religion.”, to which I replied, “Oh my.”, still wearing my amused grin but laughing hysterically on the inside as this woman had no idea who she was talking to. To me, this Sunday was quickly becoming more entertaining than any of the ones spent in the hundreds of Houses of Worship I have visited in my travels. It would not take long before a woman, who I presume is the wife of the aforementioned “He”, would walk by looking a little embarrassed as she carryied the big Jesus back to the terrorist’s encampment. I suspect this was just a good-natured prank among neighbors as big Jesus was leaned carefully against a tree in the yard of the terrorist’s command and control bunker, and no hostile words were uttered or shots fired as she departed.

This is how battles of religious ideologies should be waged.

We must now look at the victim of this atrocity who was targeted by these extremists because “He” believes differently. “He”, who apparently “hates religion”, could be an atheist, and if this is the case, we should be respectful of his choice of belief system. But what if “He” is not an atheist? What if “He” is like me? What if “He” has come to despise most religions as I have, because they have corrupted the messages of God and their various prophets in order to amass wealth and power—often promoting division, hate, the subjugation of women, and even violence. Am I next? How long before I can expect big Jesus in my garden? I  think it’s time to pick a religion just to be on the safe side.

So. let’s see what comes up when I google: What religion should I follow? Oh look, Belief-O-Match; they should be able to tell me. After taking their quiz, they decided I am a Seventh-day Adventist? I don’t know this one. Let’s find out what they are all about.

Oh, I don’t think so.

Not even close. So much for Belief-O-Magic.

Back to the drawing board. I will eliminate all religions with significant wealth that don’t spend most of it to feed starving children. Let’s see what google has to say.

Well that really shortens the list of possibilities.

Let’s try googling the most charitable religions. It is interesting that this search netted little of substance; just a few articles about do-gooders, putting Muslims, Agnostics, and Buddhists well in the lead. You would think that some of the other major religions would step up and single-handedly save a famished nation just for the bragging rights, but none do or have.

Although I could probably squeeze my beliefs into the Agnostic box, as a historian, I feel as though I should be able to find something—and I did—but unfortunately it is in decline with just 190,000 followers left. Maybe it is not about the popularity.

Zoroastrianism worships a single deity: Ahura, The Lord Creator, and The Supremely Wise. This religion predates most all of the best known prophets with its roots going back to 2000 BCE. (I like that.) It has no major theological divisions. (I like that.) In Zoroastrianism, the purpose in life is to: “Be among those who renew the world; to make the world progress towards perfection”. (I like that.)

Its basic maxims include:

  • “Humata, Hukhta, Huvarshta,” which means: Good Thoughts, Good Words, Good Deeds. (I like it.)
  • “There is only one path and that is the path of Truth.” (I like it.)
  • “Do the right thing because it is the right thing to do, and then all beneficial rewards will come to you also.” (I like it.)

I am now a religious man, safe from big Jesus.

I am a Zoroastrianist . . . I think.

I have much reading to do, and perhaps I should check my terminologies while I am at it, before telling everyone. Once I have confirmed that Zoroastrianist is actually a word, I’m going to go tell the neighbor up the street—maybe “He” is one too, and just doesn’t know it yet.


This is it for a while.

To everyone, regardless of your philosophies, faiths, beliefs, and indoctrinations, I hope you all enjoy a safe and happy Holiday Season.

Humata, Hukhta, Huvarshta.

I like it.


Your Beliefs Create Your Reality. Part 7


I can’t believe I am saying this but…

I, E. A. Barker, do publicly acknowledge the following:

I agree with Donald Trump!

We need to take down the Internet.

I doubt he knew why this is a good idea, as he blathered away about anything which could get him in the news while he was campaigning for office, but he did say it.

Here are my reasons:

  1. We are seeing control of money via the Internet. A cashless future means you must be a good drone or else access to your money will be taken away with just a couple of keystrokes. Once the world becomes completely dependent on the Internet for banking and trading, anarchy can be created anywhere, at any time, by revoking access to it. This is how the Internet becomes a weapon.
  2. We are seeing control of information and the spread of disinformation that the average Internet user is ill-equipped to recognize. Global warming IS a clear and present danger to our civilization. Literally thousands in the scientific community have confirmed this, but their voices are being suppressed. To solve the problem, the West would have to move away from fossil fuel burning and its love of beef. This would threaten the PROFITS of oil companies, beef producers, and the automakers. In order to maintain the status quo, a seed of doubt had to be planted to keep the general public spinning. An agency found a couple of researchers who could either be bought or who had something to hide, and these patsies suddenly had a communications leak which stated they had been fudging global warming data. How convenient! Doubt was quickly spread over the Internet and the unpopular subject has gone away . . . but the countdown continues.
  3. We are seeing control of people. Aside from security agencies and hackers being able to watch you through your smart TV, social media is a spawning bed for anti-social behavior. People have distance and/or anonymity which allows them to spew anything that enters their puny brains without fear of ramifications. The on-line world is a safe harbor for gossips, sociopaths, and worse. Research has shown that following social media actually makes people less happy, but users become addicted. They are like kids who are told they have to go to bed. They think they might miss something juicy so they keep coming back. The Internet is creating a mass of socially retarded, anxious, and even depressed humans who cannot function in the real world. This works for The Givers of the Internet who do not want socially engaged upbeat people who might press for change.

What will it be like for children in the near future?

Technology is out-pacing our growth as a species in more ways than mere possession of atomic weapons.

The most powerful weapons control minds.

The incredibly dorky first generation users of Google Glass were quick to embrace the idea of being “plugged in” all day. This was man’s first step toward becoming a cyborg race. Sounds far-fetched, you say? Follow this link.

Education is embracing technology as a teaching tool which is being PROMOTED as a way to engage kids better. Funny, I thought a quality curriculum, well trained, well paid, and carefully selected teachers could engage kids, but I’m just some nut on the Internet.

Here is the writing on the wall:

  1. There is no PROFIT in producing better educators.
  2. A better curriculum would only produce youth with a heightened awareness, and they would be troublesome to the-powers-that-be―demanding change to the status quo.
  3.  Cutbacks in educational funding have intentionally created a perceived NEED for this technology, and I absolutely GUARANTY funding for Ed Tech will magically appear where there was none for teachers.
  4. MANDATORY “educational”chip implantation will happen or the child will be denied access to public education.

In a generation or so, children will have grown up being “plugged in” 24/7. They will be completely Internet addicted and completely helpless without it. They will learn more and faster but what we need to be asking ourselves is:

Who is supplying the curriculum?

The answer is: The Givers of the Internet.

Libraries are embracing technology for budgetary reasons as well. Paper books are expensive and there is only so much shelf space. Database access and e-books are cheaper and take up far less space. In theory, a tiny library in a small town could offer access to the entire library of congress, BUT this will not be the case  for two reasons:

  1. All those good books are not available in e-book form.
  2. The-powers-that-be will never let those books be part of a database which is intended to control information—not distribute it.

When education is fed directly into a human mind via artificial means, thought control is complete. The information that mind receives is completely in the control of another.

There will be no need to burn classic books, they will just not make it into the central database.

If you BELIEVE governments are working on behalf of the electorate, then it is time you woke up to THIS REALITY.

A Holiday Message. . .

Times are tough.

There is a great deal of uncertainty at the very least, if not fear or outright paranoia in our world at the moment.

Please try to reign in these thoughts–especially over the holidays.

If you are able to read this on-line, it most likely means you can afford devices and services which connect you to this on-line world. This also implies that your immediate security needs of shelter, food, and clothing have also been met. Be grateful for what you have as there are a great many others who are not as fortunate and who will not be able to read this.

The holidays are a time for giving–our way of expressing love, caring and thanks to people we know.


Even strangers tend to treat us a little better at this time of year. They might smile as they hold a door for us when we have both of our hands full of shopping bags. Our preoccupation with finishing the damnable shopping, so that we can jump back into the hustle and bustle of the season, might make us overlook this tiny kind gesture. Seize the moment to look them in the eye and say thank you and wish them a happy holiday. It might be the only present they receive this year.

The holiday season puts increased demands on our time because of all the commitments we make to family and friends. This causes us to be stressed and possibly irritable. We need to remember that we are fortunate to have those friends and family members with us, as many others may not.

Some people will not be able to travel to see their friends and family this year. They may feel very alone. They can change that by volunteering their time to a cause they believe in. Many worthwhile causes do not close during the holidays and spending time with the other volunteers will almost certainly turn into new friendships.

We pick up the holiday spirit by being compassionate. Give some canned goods to the food bank, give some blankets to a shelter or contribute to your local toy drive. The smallest things make a difference in this world. We often forget this. We do not have to solve global warming to improve the planet; the kid who receives your toy this year might be destined to do that–if they are not emotionally scarred by Santa missing their home. This is how we are all connected.

Goodness spreads like a virus through all walks of life, across all religions, and it does not see the color of someones skin or their gender. By spreading that which we know to be good, we spread hope. The hope we create can alter the path of another.

This almost certainly will be my last blog post for a while.

I wish to extend my gratitude to all of you who follow me on social media. To you, and everyone you care about, I wish you a safe and happy holiday season.

E. A.


Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life With Women: The Long-Awaited Instruction Manual

This book was created for everyone, from young adults to seniors. It was written from a male’s point of view, speaking to men who are endlessly struggling to understand the opposite sex. For women, this is a fascinating journey inside the male psyche. The book gives a young reader a glimpse of the future, with a recommended timeline for key life events. Mature readers, who have already experienced much of what is discussed in the book, should come away with a new-found understanding, and perhaps even closure. Ms. Creant is a controversial, entertaining, yet informative look at everything that influences human behaviour including: relationships, life, health, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, politics, genetics—even physics. E. A. Barker shares twenty-four “inappropriate” stories of life with women. The author based these stories of women behaving badly on his real life experiences, spanning four decades of his search for an ideal partner. The lessons taken away from the book will serve to help readers make better choices, become more aware, grow, and change—at any stage of life.


978-1-77302-134-8 (8×10 Large Print Hardcover)

978-1-77302-132-4 (8×10 Large Print Paperback)

978-1-77302-133-1 (eBook)

Amazon US ➜
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Amazon AU ➜
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itunes ➜
Indigo ➜


Sinister plot by the world’s elite or just more stupid human tricks?

I think I might have been put here to sort stupid humans out before they destroy themselves. I never have all the answers, but it does seem like I have many more than the average person surfing the Internet.

I will preface this by saying that my entire belief system was shaken by the recent US election. My mind has been reeling ever since. I am now questioning everything and reexamining all the things I once thought to be TRUE. I had believed that no FREE DEMOCRATIC country would ever vote in a known reprobate, let alone make him the leader of the FREE world. Boy was I WRONG! I had dismissed the need for reiterating the example of Germany in 1932 believing it to be a lesson learned and remembered, but I obviously got that WRONG as well.

To disconnect from my personal concerns, I spent the entire weekend immersed in pseudo-documentaries looking for facts amongst all the conjecture contained in the popular conspiracy theories floating around these days. Some I knew to be TRUE. Some I had long suspected to be TRUE, but most I viewed as implausible for a variety of scientific reasons. However, because I have been SO WRONG lately, I felt it necessary to review all the beliefs I had once clung to.

Section 1: The top 10 things I know to be TRUE:

1) Money makes the world go round.

2) Money is power and power corrupts without exception.

3) Wars always turn large profits for a small group of people.

4) For at least 5000 years religion has been a big money maker.

5) It was religion that switched human civilization from matriarchal to patriarchal more than 5000 years ago.

6) Coincidentally sexism is the same age.

7) Humans incapable of rational thought will embrace the irrational.

8) Fearful humans will throw the rest of mankind under a bus to save themselves.

9) The wealthiest people are also the most fearful.

10) I like dogs better than humans. Dogs understand the different meanings of humanity better than humans do.


Section 2: The top 10 things I have long suspected to be TRUE:

1) Freedom may have always been an illusion.

2) A democratic system which is incapable of legislation and change benefiting its populace is totalitarian, and elections become nothing more than a show.

3) Only 33% of humanity is worth saving and the people who will decide are not in that group.

4) Putting economics ahead of ecology and society; the genetic manipulation and waste of food; water treatments; inoculations; burning fossil fuels; wide spread drug use and allowing our governments to spend us into servitude to the world banks and their New World Order is ALL our own doing. You lived too well for far too long. Don’t whine about it because some smart immoral pricks are making a buck from your stupidity. Parties don’t last forever.

5) The grant system and field of study specialization has rendered scientific research ineffectual and the compartmentalization makes it controllable.

6) Advanced human civilizations have been coming and going every 12,000 years or so and perhaps this has been going on for 120,000 years.

7) Mother Earth flushes her toilet periodically as the need arises.

8) Fearful humans feel the need to look for external causes for their problems rather than looking at how they themselves have contributed to or created those problems.

9) Obliviousness is easier—at least until the end comes.

10) We need a female only think tank to combat the madness.


Section 3: The top 10 things which are not quite as implausible as they once seemed, but you will still have to PROVE IT even though I have been WRONG quite a bit lately:

1) The Flat Earth group created the biggest face-palm of my entire life—next to the American election that is. I really thought humans were better than this—exhibiting such a preponderance of infinite denial. There I go being WRONG again. I want this bunch to get back to me when they have done any of the following experiments: Sail up to any edge of the Earth, lean against the dome and take a selfie or play catch by bouncing a ball off of it. That would be fun. Next, if the world is not round, try to fire a laser from one continent to another near sea level and see how that goes for you. Now, about your GPS issue, there are 31 moving satellites at an altitude of 12,550 miles which manage 95% coverage of the planet most of the time. That is one tall dome you are proposing by the way, and how do the satellites move without crashing into it? They cannot stop or back up. At 12 billion dollars each you might be more understanding of minor lapses in low traffic zones especially when new satellites have to be launched every day to replace the ones destroyed by hitting the dome. This would help to explain black budgets though. Now some astrophysics 101 for the group: Why are we not ripped apart by the speeds we are said to be travelling at? Why can you not feel the Earth spinning? You were born at a galactic speed of 1.34 million miles per hour in a  solar system traveling at 514,000 miles per hour within the Milky Way on a ball traveling at 66,600 miles per hour around the sun in the vacuum of space while spinning you and everything on it at 1040 miles per hour. This is your natural state. If we ever hit something, I guaranty you will feel it. When you jump straight up, why doesn’t the Earth spin away under you? It does an infinitesimal amount, but due to the huge size of the planet and the fact that you are still moving at 1040 miles per hour along with the Earth while being held by her gravitational pull, you land in the same spot when gravity pulls you back down. Gravity is also the reason you do not fly off the spinning ball. Gravity is not fully understood by our present level of understanding—or so physicists claim publicly. Finally, yes there is a massive resort in Antarctica where the extremely rich will live with aliens after they kill us all. They deserve the skin cancer and minus 80 degree temperatures for all their evil deeds.

2) UFO’s are real. They are unidentified flying objects as advertised. This does NOT make them extraterrestrial nor extra-dimensional—just unknown to most outside of the military industrial complex.

3) Aliens! Where to start? This is the embodiment of the need for irrational fearful humans to invent evil doers instead of looking for the real human ones. Antigravity flying saucers DO NOT prove their existence; nor do a million blurry photos; balls of light or a million stories of government cover-ups.

4) I do keep the door open a tiny crack for ancient aliens—especially the benevolent teacher types, but until we dig one up, we are simply inventing a new mythology to replace the long existing ones we have grown out of. Mysterious symbols and loose interpretations DO NOT an alien make.

5) Hollow Earth subterranean beings are right down there with number 1. Kill one and drag its body up to the surface. Dissect it revealing an anatomy we have never seen before and you will get my attention. Better yet just capture one or invite it out for lunch.

6) Bigfoot, Yetis, Sasquatch etc. You people are way behind the UFO guys in your body of questionable evidence, but I like the idea of a missing link anthropoid. It’s not cool to ride on their coattails by saying that a Bigfoot was seen shortly after a UFO was sighted in the area.

7) Secret societies: The Knights Templar, Free Masons, The Illuminati, Rosicrucians, Ordo Templis Orientis, Hermetic Order of The Golden Dawn, Opus Dei and Yale’s Skull and Bones are ALL religious based. Refer to Section 1, Number 4.

8) Billionaires pulling the strings: Carlos Slim Helu, The Rothschilds, Liliane Bettencourt, Bernard Arnault, Queen Elizabeth, The Pope, Bill Gates, Amancio Ortega, Warren Buffett, Jeff Bezos and about 1800 others who when combined, are worth about 6.5 trillion dollars. They meet regularly as The Bilderberg Group for a general accounting audit called for by their Decepticon alien overlords. They also plan false flag events and dream up the media scare tactics to pull them off.

9) The New World Order where less than a billion people inherit the Earth. I could be WRONG about this—especially these days—but I cannot comprehend the level of survivor guilt that this new society would carry with them after mass genocide. It would destroy them. If that is not enough, the wealthiest people on the planet are also the weakest, most fearful, least scrupulous, most immoral, least ethical, pettiest, and are replete with entitlement issues. They would quickly turn on each other causing the sun to set on yet another advanced human civilization that will be dug up in another 12,000 years. Perhaps their descendants will be taught to see the error of their ways before their new civilization dies out, which can then be passed on through an accurate oral history which later can be carved into stone tablets or written on papyrus.

10) Dog spelled backwards is God.


When we do not want to talk about sex to a child who overheard a sexual reference, we simply let them spin. This is what people with actual knowledge do to the conspiracy theorists. They use you as a vehicle for disinformation so they can continue whatever they are up to without prying eyes. They leak just enough information to make you waste your life in a quagmire of misinformation without resolution.

This has been both fun and cleansing.

I am off to the pet store to play with puppies.

E. A.

P.S. If I don’t write anything else before the holidays, I want to wish you a safe and happy festive season.

Blog 24: (My Birthday Post) So what is mid-life?

Another birthday has arrived.

They are coming faster it seems.

A writer in his late forties shares a little too much.

At this point, I am well into mid-life and spend a great deal of time dealing with issues that ONLY people of my age can relate to. Younger people should read this however, as ALL this stuff is just around the corner for you, and it will be here faster than you can imagine.

My book explores the subject of MANOPAUSE nicely, so I will refrain from being repetitive. Instead, in this post, I will explore the tragic comedy of my personal situation.

Your birthday should be a time to be a little introspective but do not obsess or be unhappy about your circumstances just because another year has passed.

Just like having an old house, MAINTENANCE seems to consume more of your time these days if you want to remain attractive to the opposite sex. However, you do realize that you will eventually reach a point where the ones you are attracted to will view you as TOO OLD. That scares me. The upside of that day arriving, is that you will be able to let much of the maintenance slide.

Mirrors are your enemy!

My advice is to reduce the size of them or remove them from your place altogether.

If you are not ready to make that move, then you will have to face what appears there on a daily basis and do what you can about it.

The pessimist within, looks at my body in the mirror after getting out of the shower and notices that my mid-section has a layer of fat that was not present in my thirties. My pectorals need work but that is do-able. A little more walking or sex and I can shed some lbs. and tone my midriff up… some. The optimist within, realizes that I still have a better body than half of the guys out there that are still in their thirties, so I have that going for me. Most of those guys are chasing women in their twenties anyway, which leaves women in their thirties and early forties more readily available and vulnerable to my intellectual stimulation tactics.

Rogue hairs are showing up everywhere.

F. S. H. or follicle stimulating hormones are present in guys too.

The pessimist within says this is a real sign of old age being just around the corner. The optimist within realizes that a razor and tweezers are all that are required to make the problem go away so you can continue to live in denial for another week or so.

Grey hair has been an issue for me since I was in my thirties. My Nazi dominatrix hair-dresser insisted on eliminating them back then and has been doing so ever since. I don’t dare disappoint the mistress. The pessimist within, notices that my beard is about 50/50- salt vs. pepper now, but it can be colored as well. The optimist within reminds me that there are plenty of guys in their thirties that are losing their hair while I maintain a healthy full head of hair. Additionally, my grey is confined to only those two places… so far.

Your libido is not what it once was.


I remember getting hard with every slight breeze, sexy picture or beautiful woman that I came across. It was a very unproductive time in my life. The pessimist within notices, that I can sometimes go a couple of days without wanting sex. The optimist within me sees this as an opportunity to get stuff done.

Middle-age forces you to consider your mortality.

Your health will be noticed more often now.

The pessimist within looks back over this past year and remembers back issues, joint pain, a few colds or flu’s that seemed to linger, too much coughing and head congestion due to anything but my nicotine addiction (Denial, denial, denial.) and a fortunately short- relatively minor bout with the shingles virus. The optimist within realizes that it could have been much worse. My cardiovascular system is still quite good despite the abuse and I see many younger people in far worse shape than myself.

My Dentist and I will develop a new friendship due to my paying him far more regularly now. Smoking, sugar, wine among other things have wreaked havoc with my once white smile, but as my grandmother often said: “At least I still have all my teeth.” I did loosen one recently and that has me a little worried.

My energy level is at an all time low but I have discovered napping and really enjoy it.

You must fight off the urge to be critical.

You were incredibly “young and dumb” too.

It does not help that your patience is at an all time low, but if you are conscious of yourself, you can pretend that you still have the thick skin you once had. Every time I want to take a strip off someone younger than myself, I flash back to what I was doing at their age and it helps me to keep my mouth shut… most of the time.

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as how YOUR ATTITUDE AND GRATITUDE WILL KEEP YOU YOUNGER LONGER.

Enjoy your birthdays… there may not be that many left.

Be as young as you can, for as long as you can.

E. A.

Blog 14: What really went down in The Garden of Eden?


Over 2000 YEARS have passed since the death of Christ.

IT SHOULD NOT BE NECESSARY that I should have to put a warning label on a blog that is written to entertain.


However, there are a great many people in the world that cling to dogmatic religious beliefs without questioning the author, translator and presenter of their chosen book of faith. That is their right. Hopefully these people are GOD fearing and do good deeds in order to have a nice afterlife.

Religion is arguably better than substance abuse for escapists.

Acts of religious terrorism aside, you never hear about a person drunk on religious fervour crashing into a school bus full of kids.

I have a private spiritual side to my being. It need not be discussed. I do not require you to believe as I do in order for you to be one of my readers.

Anyone who has read any of my previous stuff knows that I embrace satire. It is what I do. I seek to see humour and spread laughter wherever possible and I understand that not everyone gets the joke.

Just the other day a neighbor down the street had an underground water pipe burst that was bubbling to the surface. I teased her by saying that she had the lawnmower set too low and I was going to have to tell the owner. She did not get it. I had to explain it to her.

satire  noun  1 ridicule, irony or sarcasm in speech or writing.

WARNING: This blog is not for religious fanatics nor is it for people that do not understand and appreciate satirical witticisms.

I am totally throwing this out there based on distant memories from my childhood Sunday school classes. I will not fact check this ridiculous story so if it is misquoted; SO BE IT!

So let it be written.

So let it be done.


In the beginning GOD created the heavens and the Earth and they were good.

Next, HE created man in his own image.

After six days of hard work, HE took a day off. He deserved it.

So we know for sure that men were here first. We also presume that we lived a very long time- nearly immortal living pain free in the Garden’s disease free environment where entropy was somehow slowed way down.

So what would the life of a man be like in such Utopian conditions?

For sure there would be gambling, scotch and cigars.

The things between our legs were just used for urinating.

Men would gather to play cards, drink whiskey and smoke each evening after a day of eating a nearly vegetarian- if not vegan diet of everything that one could want; EXCEPT APPLES!

We were told not to touch those and we were good with the rules as back then, as when we talked to GOD, HE answered us. Who knows, maybe HE sat in on poker night occasionally when HE was not that busy.

I am not certain if fish and bread were on the menu yet.

Smoking and drinking did not hurt us back then.

Years, perhaps even centuries passed this way and we created all the various art forms and practised the ones that THE MAKER had intended for us. HE enjoyed our finished works but as time continued to roll on, you could see HE was getting bored with us. HE would not pop in as often and did not get as excited about our works and stories as HE once did.

Perhaps HE thought we would grow faster as a species than we were and HE was disappointed with our progress.

We men are not as oblivious to the feelings of others as some may think.

We were concerned about this development and called a general meeting to get some ideas as to how we might shake things up for GOD. HE was a cool guy who was really smart. HE could answer any question and we wanted HIM around.

Here was our problem at this point in history:

  1. The sculptors had sculpted everything in The Garden.
  2. The builders had built everything imaginable with the materials available in The Garden.
  3. The artists had painted everything in The Garden.
  4. The musicians had created every note and played every combination of notes.
  5. The writers had written every story of life in The Garden.

We were stumped.

Not a single guy at the meeting could come up with something truly new and exciting.

What would happen next would change all that.

It is not clear if HE had a divine influence in these events or if they happened when HE was not paying attention.

The Adam’s Rib Story just does not hold water, but it is a great rib joint. The talking serpent is a little farfetched too.

One day, a large flying craft that was not a bird, landed in The Garden. It was made of something not found in The Garden. We were all very curious as this NEW THING could be the answer to our concerns. Men from all over The Garden gathered to view this new thing and apply their talents to the inspiration it offered us.

After only a short time, a door opened and out came beings that were similar to us but different.

THEY CALLED THEMSELVES WOMEN and explained that they had come to The Garden from the neighboring planet of Venus.

They were prettier than us. They smelled better than us and for reasons that I cannot explain, suddenly we were more interested in them than poker night.

Note to self, ask GOD what a planet is?

The only concern we had was that they came from OUTSIDE of The Garden but so did GOD and HE was cool.

They showed us many new and wonderful things. Especially nice was another thing to do with the stuff between our legs. Now the dangly part would actually point to them. They made us feel very good- even better than before.

They asked us about the apples and could not understand why we would not touch them.

They were not afraid of GOD and did not seem to know HIM.

They ate the apples and nothing bad seemed to happen when they did. They talked most of us into eating them too.

For some reason these women were able to get us to do just about anything that they desired.

Note to self, ask GOD why we wish to please women like we once tried to please HIM?

The answer to that one came to me all by myself. Women were easier to please than HE is and they stay around.  They liked our works and everything about us was new to them. They were excited by us and not bored; at least not yet.

GOD eventually stuck HIS head in- appearing tired from building universes, whatever they were, and looking to unwind with the boys but some of our poker buddies did not show up.

GOD asked why and we told HIM all about the women and the apple tree and I asked HIM what planets and universes were. HE stood up, threw the poker table across the room and left without answering my question.

This was upsetting to those of us that were there. We had never seen HIM angry before.

We figured that HE would eventually cool down and come back; after all we had been buds for centuries.


HE came back as mad as ever and booted us out of paradise.

HE used a new word that day watching us go forth to multiply in what sounded like a warning and these were HIS final words as we left. He said: “Be careful of MANipulation my little brothers.”

We did not know what that meant and we had no one to ask except the women.

At least HE let us keep the women.

So here is how things have gone for men ever since:

  1. We age and die way faster now.
  2. GOD has not visited since.
  3. He may be listening, but he never answers anymore.
  4. We miss him.
  5. Women can make us feel good for a short time but we used to feel good ALL THE TIME in The Garden.
  6. We have defined the word manipulation but we still do not see it until it is too late.
  7. We kill our fellow man now. That never used to happen. Men do this often in the name of GOD but we know HE never wanted this.
  8. We have gone forth and multiplied so much that the planet will soon be at risk but at least we have figured out what planets and universes are.
  9. We get drunker now than when we were in The Garden and now we get hangovers.
  10. Scotch and cigars can kill us now but we continue to use them.

Here is the conspiracy theory version of events:

  1. Women have been in on it from the beginning.
  2. Their arrival is nothing more than a carefully conceived plan to conquer the planet SO SLOWLY that we do not notice.
  3. They got us thrown out of paradise.
  4. They have always been able to MANipulate us with sex.
  5. Initially they followed most of our wishes.
  6. Later they would become educated and not do as much for us.
  7. They started to get jobs and earn their own money and did even less for us.
  8. After that they would get to vote and did even less for us.
  9. Later they would hold public office and lead countries and use that as a reason to do even less for us.
  10. Now they are CEO’s telling men what to do both at work and at home.
  11. Many men are now staying at home to raise the children- a job that was once exclusively that of a woman.
  12. Men are no longer running everything.
  13. Soon as women become even more powerful, they may keep the male children from attending school and making money.
  14. At that point in the future women will have completely conquered the planet and men will be just a slave component of the women dominated population across the globe.

GOD; help us.

We know that we are a constant source of disappointment to GOD but the worst thing is that many of us no longer care.

It seems that just as with HIM, we are now a constant source of disappointment to women now as well.

We try very hard but it is never enough.

Could it be that women thought we men would grow faster than we are, and they too have become disappointed with our progress?

Why does everyone seem to want more from us?

Perhaps we should call another general meeting.

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as HOW NEW THINGS CAN BE YOUR UNDOING.

Kidding aside, while a belief system is a necessary component of your good overall health, you do not have to believe ridiculous STORIES PASSED DOWN VERBALLY FOR GENERATIONS before a WRITER applied his take on them- then a TRANSLATOR- then the final draft was passed along to an EDITOR who was usually by a King or Religious Leader that was PAYING both THE WRITER and TRANSLATOR to stick to their agenda.

Have a good week and go to a House of Worship IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER.

Pray for my ruination if that helps.

E. A.