Antisocial Media: 10 Awesome Protocols Nobody Talks About

Rated R.

Warning: this content contains Reality. Reader discretion is advised.

Social media tips from an antisocial misanthrope?

You are definitely spending too much time online.

Tip 1: You must do what everyone does to be one of us. . .

one of us. . .

one of us. . .

These online “societies” have rules and will not welcome, nor do they tolerate, anyone lacking their level of sameness; yet nowhere are their expectations of your behaviour written down so you might quickly learn how best to conform. There is a reason for this.

Tip 2: They want you to fail.

They are eagerly awaiting their opportunity rant over your misstep whether you goof up publicly, among friends, in groups, or in private messages—for you have proved yourself an unfit miscreant who needs to be beaten back into submission, if not ostracized completely, in the hope shame will drive you back under the rock from whence you came.

Tip 3: Being “friended” on flakebook or “followed” on twatter should be considered an honour not to be taken lightly.

It means you can DM (Direct Message) an egotist anytime of night or day. WAIT! I’m just kidding. Back when PC’s were the tool of choice to hop on social media, this was okay, but now that smartphones dominate and control their owner’s every thought, they are rarely ever out of reach and almost never turned off, so the likelihood of waking someone up becomes very real. Besides, it’s way too early in the relationship to be talking privately. Take it slow; you’ll be able to show them your boobs or penis soon enough. You must build up to a DM by liking, sharing, and commenting on their posts for a period of not less than thirty days. Take it from me, this is how to get a narcissistic egotist turned on enough to get them naked.

Tip 4: Liking

There is a fine line between being a devoted follower and a stalker, and the line is different for everyone. I like to visit pages to see if people are really as uni-dimensional as social media algorithms make them appear—before I dump them. I am absolutely certain that on occasion, I have liked enough of their posts to be considered a creeper, but I don’t care. I’m a social media heretic. Don’t over-like or you may be cast out—leaving you no choice but to attempt to build an online relationship with people like me . . . and really, what are the chances you’ll make the cut?

Tip 5: Sharing

Twigger people want you to retweet their tweets so their thoughts might reach a wider audience. Conversely, fakebook people are often incensed when you “steal” their posts, which they found elsewhere on the internet all by themselves. Somehow, to them, searching for and saving a post grants them copyrighted proprietary ownership of a meme created by someone else. People have actually timidly asked me if it was okay to share posts I had already stolen from someone else on f-ckbook—so sweet, nice, and polite—I wonder if any of them survived this year’s slashing and burning of the deadwood?

Tip 6: Commenting

If you are following a hottie on social media, you will never get anywhere by telling them how gorgeous you think they are in their latest of a long string of half-naked selfies they just posted. The best you are likely to get for your effort is a liked comment. If you really want to have any chance of getting on their list of possible candidates for an online fling, you will have to follow them closely—a.k.a. stalk them—to find out where their passions truly lie.

Tip 7: Engagement:

In the olden days, engagement meant you had a fifty-fifty chance of getting some action. The same is true on social media. When you see them posting, it is a safe time to engage. Once you have stimulated your crush’s interest enough, by publicly commenting on their passion projects, or by feigning empathy and compassion when they are unhappy, they will begin to engage with you. This is public banter, flirting, or intellectual foreplay so it’s best to only be offering to stroke their ego at this point. Pretending to be truly fascinated by whatever you have been commenting back and forth about publicly, creates an opening to DM them with more private thoughts on the subject. Congratulations! You are alone with them. No, you can’t send nudes yet . . . unless they have confided the are lonely, drunk, and horny—even then, you should encourage them to go first. Most of the time, you will have to cultivate the relationship further before the sexting begins, but at least you can talk dirty a little. Remember, Mark Zuckerberg can watch the show, so you might want show some restraint.

Tip 8: Just the tip.

In this age of immediate gratification, there seems to be some added urgency placed on online sexual activity. It’s as though these participants are afraid their WiFi signal will be lost just as they are about to climax. Do they think they will never have another chance like this again, so they just get right down to business? Perhaps they are hiding in the washroom trying for a quickie behind the back of their significant other. Who really knows? You wouldn’t believe how many times I was flirting harmlessly—or so I thought—only to be gifted a spread eagle pussy pic with the classic two-finger labial parting stretch, when I was really just angling for a nipple pic. I’m not complaining, but a little bit of A to B to C makes it better. While I have only a dozen or so such experiences notched into my laptop, I feel it is safe to say: The younger the woman is, the quicker she will be whipping out the pussy. If I were to use a baseball analogy, they are getting a hit and running straight to third base.

Tip 9: Non-sexual DM’s?

I suppose a case can be made for such utilization of Messenger. I have some platonic online friends I chat with now and then, as well as a few business clients. The one thing I can tell everyone is: If you run a business of any kind, NO ONE wants to be pitched in Messenger. I’ve even been bitched at for sending people event invitations through Messenger. Apparently, the protocol is you must have chatted a little before any business can be discussed which goes back to what was said earlier about the cultivation of a relationship.

Tip 10: Wrapping it up.

There are a few redeeming aspects to online hookups:

  1. You don’t have to wrap it up. Apparently, computer viruses are not considered STD’s.
  2. You can have a wide variety of casual meaningless sexual encounters, but it’s best not to mention you do while it’s happening, if ever.
  3. For you cheaters out there, this is the safest, easiest, and most forgivable way of trying to satisfy the emptiness inside you.

As I inch ever closer to parting company with social media, with the exception of blogging, I try to find some highlights from the four plus years invested to take away with me. Aside from getting to know a handful of truly good people, only a couple of moments stand out. Years ago, I triggered a viral post with my comment which reached over 22,000 people. A short time later, I was one of a very few people Taylor Swift followed on twister. I thought it was kinda cool, and I used it to poke fun at, my then, semi-significant other who was, and likely still is, quite literally insane when jealous. Taylor, who I now laughingly refer to as “the bitch”, dumped me shortly after I tagged her in a tweet. She probably followed me by accident or expected me to behave like a guru with a PHD in psychology. I probably should have dick-pic’d her when I had the chance. The thought never occurred to me because enough famous female performers have already seen it—live, up close, and in a very personal way. Perhaps this is why I struggle to understand the males who engage in this behaviour and their reasoning behind perpetuating this phenomena.

Being “social” implies people are: approving, welcoming, approachable, jovial, and cordial.

I just do not see how this applies to social media sites.

 

An unsent email.

I am still disappointed and even more disgusted than ever by the things I have discovered since we split up.

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Photo by icon0.com on Pexels.com

Long ago, at the beginning you said: ‘Sometimes I have trouble knowing right from wrong.’ I should have seen this for what it is; a common trait among sociopaths, but instead I intervened in what I now see as your karmic destiny.

In another conversation, you told of being called a succubus, yet you did not really mind this worst of all slurs of your person. In fact you seemed to like the idea of playing the part. As a so-called life-long “religious” person, this should have been the ultimate affront to you because of the morality your church has been preaching to you for years, apparently without success.

“A succubus is a demon in female form, or supernatural entity in folklore, that appears in dreams and takes the form of a woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. The male counterpart is the incubus. Religious traditions hold that repeated sexual activity with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or mental state, or even death.”

Is the above really who you want to be?

The “shoe” fits, princess. My career was slowed by making you a priority in my life—dealing with your endless problems. My health suffered as a result of the concern, stress, and time you took away from making badly needed money. And wow, did you screw with my mental state. It took longer than the two weeks I joked about when we were “together” to get over you. It took two months.

I don’t care that you have not paid the outstanding amount owed to me. In my rage I was as cruel with my words as I was capable of, and you have obviously used this to rationalize stiffing me. HOWEVER, what is not acceptable is you have not paid at least one of our mutual friends, and perhaps others, now that you have a life which affords you the opportunity to repay those who fell for your bullshit.

Get your crap together and pay your debts before you do end up in hell.

(This one is really just for kicks, shits, and giggles because I needed to blog something here. I do not hold out any hope the party in question will suddenly develop a conscience. Peace out!)

Baggage? I no longer accept baggage.

I am over on my book site blog again this week.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I suspect I will be on my Ms. Creant site—where I have to behave myself somewhat—until I am closer to being a normal E. A. once again. Pop over for your weekend read. I do have a whopper planned for Blog Madness but it is probably a few weeks away.

World Food Day

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

While I support all altruistic initiatives, I dislike the politicizing of subjects such as hunger. It is time we addressed the elephant in the room. The West is fat and drunk on immediate gratification.

The UN creates AWARENESS of the EFFECTS without ever talking about the true CAUSE . . . the hording of wealth.

The World Bank offers loans to organizations trying to feed people, but NOT WITHOUT INTEREST. This group could single-handedly solve hunger. They don’t.

The largest religions of the world sit on a pile of money that could immediately cure hunger. They don’t. They do however claim it is a top concern and tell their followers to give more.

Corporatized food stores do not fill the shelves of food banks. They expect their customers to do that AT RETAIL PRICES, and they use their INFLUENCE to keep farmers from donating directly.

So while the AWARENESS created each year since the 1940’s by the UN is a good thing, it also illustrates that 70+ years of TALK hasn’t solved anything. Individuals must do what we can. Organizations won’t.

Of Squirrels and Airplanes

It’s been a long, long, long time since I have had a day like this-literally years since I published a slightly impaired blog titled: An Intoxicated Tirade, or words to that effect. A conscientious blogger would create a link, but I don’t care.

Life as a struggling author is tough, and full of duties and obligations. Today was different though; I fulfilled all those daily tasks by 2:00 p.m. on a sunny and warm Sunday afternoon which allowed me a shopping trip including a visit to the liquor store.

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It should be noted that I mark the return of warm weather with a cocktail we Canadians call a Caesar-made from tomato/clam cocktail, vodka, and spices, including salt, pepper, celery salt, Worchestershire sauce (Did you seriously expect me to spell it right?) and Tobasco sauce. (Ditto.)

I spent TWO magical hours alone with my thoughts (and the booze) in direct sunlight which has always been my drug of choice when I needed to re-energize and refocus. There was a part of me who screamed I should have a book with me or what will the neighbors think? F*ck ’em.

ancient-arched-window-architecture-532902I moved to this neighborhood to be amongst the poor and down-trodden. Granted, houses in this area sell between one and two million dollars, but that does not mean the people here are rich; they just have good credit. As property values have gone from ridiculous to insane while I have been here, it led me to think about the retirees on a fixed income being displaced because they could not keep up with their property taxes as their property’s value exploded, forcing many to take out equity loans just to keep their homes.

After the second drink, I noticed a deep exhalation that I am certain has not been a part of my existence for some time. Some people meditate to accomplish this state-of-being, but I have not been making the time for any spiritual journeys of this nature lately. I am just too damn busy.

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So, about the squirrels . . . Ever notice the squirrel who is busting his (or her) ass (Who can tell?); digging up chestnuts and running across a busy street to bring home the bacon? He/she is unlike the other squirrels who have trained humans to feed them, and who unknowingly have become reliant on their trainees. I respect the hustler’s choice. I hope he/she doesn’t get squished by one of the vehicles travelling much too fast in our school zone.

It occurred to me upon sipping my third drink, I could really use more days like this. This prompted a revised want ad stolen from my book.

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WANTED: A good woman.

  • This old dog is tired and in need of a porch to sleep on.
  • Please send photo of your porch.
  • Applicants with a wrap-around-porch will automatically advance to the next round.
  • A porch swing will score bonus points.
  • If you have both a wrap-around-porch and a boat, you are gold. Please send photo of the boat as well.
  • If your porch overlooks a unicorn ranch, it is important you include this information.

Dinner Update: One part is burnt, and one part is still frozen. Balance is key.

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On to the airplanes-you can’t help but notice them while you are positioned to be face-first into the setting sun in the West, which coincidentally, is also where our airports are, relative to where I live. There are fast-movers, a.k.a. military stuff, at serious altitudes leaving twin contrails. Those are our F-18s. I did however see a fast-mover with a single contrail; I hope we didn’t buy one of those piece of sh*t single engine F-35s.

FYI: The texture of my chicken patties can be best equated with cutting cardboard with your standard cutlery. And again, I don’t care. Two hours of direct sunlight and four cocktails will do that to a person.

My man-bun-daddy neighbor with way too many health issues for his age and I just talked about using some of our more useless neighbors as food when the apocalypse comes. I suggested a barbecue sauce.

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What are the passers-by thinking as they acknowledge my smile, nod, or wave as I sit in my lawn chair basking in the sun? Are they jealous of my leisure time inactivity, or do they think I am hurting property values in the neighborhood? At the moment, I can confidently state I don’t give a flying f*ck about what others think.

One neighbor who regularly parks her car in front of my house chatted about her court day with our street’s bandit parking cop, and how she was kayaking on a river today. She does lead an interesting life.

autumn-beautiful-blur-658945I chatted briefly with my hot neighbor about how confusing this time of year was for her when it came to choosing what to wear. She was in sandals and a sweater coat. I suggested she remove the coat.

I saw some kids playing road hockey while armed with squirt guns. I guess I didn’t get that memo.

Birds chirping; the sounds of motorcycles and children at play; and the guy with saws. Dude, give it a f*cking rest already.

I thought up a killer book idea, but I’ve thought that before . . .

Much can happen in two hours if you go outside to figuratively stop and smell the flowers.

I admit I have been neglecting this blog, but sh*t happens. My Ms. Creant site blog has kept me busy with a ten-ish part series on the book publishing game. If you are a soon-to-be-published author not picked up by the big 5, you would be well-advised to tune in.

It’s now 10:30 p.m. and my nightcap is almost gone.

Ever notice how I only use contractions when I’m drinking?

Talk soon.

The Irrational Rationality

HUMANS CAN RATIONALIZE ANYTHING.

Somewhere along the way, I was researching the various religious faiths that showed the number of followers for each. When I added them all together the number came to around 4 BILLION or 66% of the globes population. With that many do-gooders on the planet, you would think that the world would be a much better place than it is.

Here is why Earth is not a paradise.

HUMANS DO NOT PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION TO DIRECTIONS.

HUMANS RATIONALIZE DIRECTIVES INTO GUIDELINES.

HUMANS RE-THINK, RE-WORK AND RE-INTERPRET RATIONAL DIRECTIVES TO SUIT THEIR OWN IRRATIONAL AGENDAS.

More than half of the world’s population is familiar with the following section and most have at least heard of the other lists that follow.

“The TEN COMMANDMENTS”:

I am listing the version that I was taught as a child and will comment on some of the more significant RATIONALIZED versions that are being taught. The order that they are presented has been changed over the years by different religions.

“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”

“Thou shalt make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down to them: …”

“Thou shalt take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; …”

“Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.”

“Honour thy father and thy mother.”

“Thou shalt not kill.” This has been changed quite significantly to “Thou shalt not murder.” by some.

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

“Thou shalt not steal.”

“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”

“Thou shalt not covet… any thing that is thy neighbor’s.”

HOW DID YOU SCORE?

I passed the first two with flying colours. I failed on the third and forth. I passed the fifth and sixth. I passed the seventh using the RATIONALE that I have never been “technically” married. I failed on the eighth, passed the ninth and probably failed the tenth at some point in time.

I have a solid 5 with perhaps as high as 7 out of 10. I can RATIONALIZE that this is NOT BAD.

TEN was just too big for humans to comprehend and with so many it created too many disputes about how to interpret them.

Apparently, Jesus felt the need to summarize the ten down to two big ones.

The Two Great Commandments:

“You shall love the LORD your GOD with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

I am 1 for 2 here.

The Catholic religion added some ideas that are worth of a look.

“The Seven Deadly Sins”:

Lust:               Definitely guilty.

Greed:            I do not think so.

Gluttony:        On occasion.

Envy:              Definitely guilty.

Anger:            Definitely guilty.

Pride:              Probably.

Sloth:              Definitely as a teen.

So I will RATIONALIZE that on a lifetime basis, I scored only a 1 out of 7 but on a daily basis, currently I typically run at only one sin per day so the score looks much better at 6 out of 7. NOT BAD AT ALL.

I guess they realized that nobody was scoring well with the sins list, so they added to it. By allowing followers to RATIONALIZE that they were not all that bad- they would leave church feeling better about themselves.

The better the church made them feel about themselves, the more the followers attended, and the more donations the church received.

“The Seven Heavenly (Capital) Virtues”:

Chastity:                    Not self-imposed.

Temperance:             Yes.

Charity:                      Yes

Diligence:                  Yes

Forgiveness:             Yes, but there is room for improvement.

Kindness:                  Yes

Humility:                    Yes but again there is room for improvement.

So again, I will RATIONALIZE that I scored at least 4 out of 7 and maybe as high as 6 out of 7 depending on the harshness of the evaluator- PRETTY GOOD.

In conclusion I will RATIONALIZE that I am a virtuous sinner.

My overall averaged lifetime score according to religion is 13 for 26. They do not make it clear what a passing grade is though.

I could go PAY to be ABSOLVED of some sins to improve my numbers as many people do; but that is not my way. I will let my record stand for itself.

Now let us explore the ultimate in HUMAN IRRATIONAL RATIONALIZATION.

“Thou shalt not kill.”

This has been changed quite significantly to:

“Thou shalt not murder.”

This one needed modification almost immediately.

How can you have a war, especially a religious war or a religion sanctioned war without killing?

Humans RATIONALIZED that killing each other was necessary.

Humans RATIONALIZED that killing is not the same as murder.

Humans RATIONALIZED that the soldiers and peace officers of the world NEED TO KILL in order to benefit CIVILIZATION.

Of course we cannot have a COMMANDMENT that makes them feel GUILTY for following orders and defending themselves.

FOR 3465 YEARS THIS HAS BEEN THE WAY OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION, and look how well things are going thanks to RATIONALIZATION.

HUMANS NEED SIMPLICITY!

We need a set of guidelines that CANNOT BE MISINTERPRETED TO RATIONALIZE MISDEEDS.

A new release of a greatest hits package could look like this:

The ONE COMMANDMENT:

“BE GOOD.”

A person that possesses conscience, love, honor and awareness is GOOD.

Conscience:

THE CREATOR of all things gave you conscience so that you would know RIGHT from WRONG on a spiritual level.

If you choose misdeeds and ignore your conscience, you will not have a good life.

A conscionable person will not engage in immoral acts.

A conscionable person will not engage in unscrupulous acts.

Love:

THE CREATOR of all things gave you love so that you would know JOY.

First, you must love yourself in order to love others.

Second, you must love all others in order to love all things and THE CREATOR.

A loving person will not engage in jealousy or envy.

A loving person will not kill.

A loving person is overly charitable.

A loving person endlessly forgives.

A loving person shows kindness to all.

Honor:

THE CREATOR of all things gave you honor so that you would know RESPECT.

You must honor all those that do good deeds.

An honorable person will not engage in greed.

Awareness:

THE CREATOR of all things gave you awareness so that you would know LIFE.

First, you must know yourself in order to know others.

Second, you must know all others in order to know all things and THE CREATOR.

You must seek knowledge and wisdom throughout your life so that you may achieve understanding.

A seeker of wisdom is diligent and temperate and therefore is not subject to gluttony or sloth because they understand the inherent dangers of each.

A seeker of wisdom is humble; being able to manage both fear and anger while recognizing pride.

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as HOW CHANGE MUST HAPPEN SOON.

BE GOOD!

E. A.