Baggage? I no longer accept baggage.

I am over on my book site blog again this week.

young woman with luggage standing on train in city
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I suspect I will be on my Ms. Creant site—where I have to behave myself somewhat—until I am closer to being a normal E. A. once again. Pop over for your weekend read. I do have a whopper planned for Blog Madness but it is probably a few weeks away.

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Get caught up on my latest relationship misadventure over on my book’s site.

This week on my Ms. Creant blog, I show how our social media walls can reveal a great deal about what we are feeling.

cropped-book-display-jpeg

A Holiday Message. . .

Times are tough.

There is a great deal of uncertainty at the very least, if not fear or outright paranoia in our world at the moment.

Please try to reign in these thoughts–especially over the holidays.

If you are able to read this on-line, it most likely means you can afford devices and services which connect you to this on-line world. This also implies that your immediate security needs of shelter, food, and clothing have also been met. Be grateful for what you have as there are a great many others who are not as fortunate and who will not be able to read this.

The holidays are a time for giving–our way of expressing love, caring and thanks to people we know.

 

Even strangers tend to treat us a little better at this time of year. They might smile as they hold a door for us when we have both of our hands full of shopping bags. Our preoccupation with finishing the damnable shopping, so that we can jump back into the hustle and bustle of the season, might make us overlook this tiny kind gesture. Seize the moment to look them in the eye and say thank you and wish them a happy holiday. It might be the only present they receive this year.

The holiday season puts increased demands on our time because of all the commitments we make to family and friends. This causes us to be stressed and possibly irritable. We need to remember that we are fortunate to have those friends and family members with us, as many others may not.

Some people will not be able to travel to see their friends and family this year. They may feel very alone. They can change that by volunteering their time to a cause they believe in. Many worthwhile causes do not close during the holidays and spending time with the other volunteers will almost certainly turn into new friendships.

We pick up the holiday spirit by being compassionate. Give some canned goods to the food bank, give some blankets to a shelter or contribute to your local toy drive. The smallest things make a difference in this world. We often forget this. We do not have to solve global warming to improve the planet; the kid who receives your toy this year might be destined to do that–if they are not emotionally scarred by Santa missing their home. This is how we are all connected.

Goodness spreads like a virus through all walks of life, across all religions, and it does not see the color of someones skin or their gender. By spreading that which we know to be good, we spread hope. The hope we create can alter the path of another.

This almost certainly will be my last blog post for a while.

I wish to extend my gratitude to all of you who follow me on social media. To you, and everyone you care about, I wish you a safe and happy holiday season.

E. A.

 

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life With Women: The Long-Awaited Instruction Manual

This book was created for everyone, from young adults to seniors. It was written from a male’s point of view, speaking to men who are endlessly struggling to understand the opposite sex. For women, this is a fascinating journey inside the male psyche. The book gives a young reader a glimpse of the future, with a recommended timeline for key life events. Mature readers, who have already experienced much of what is discussed in the book, should come away with a new-found understanding, and perhaps even closure. Ms. Creant is a controversial, entertaining, yet informative look at everything that influences human behaviour including: relationships, life, health, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, politics, genetics—even physics. E. A. Barker shares twenty-four “inappropriate” stories of life with women. The author based these stories of women behaving badly on his real life experiences, spanning four decades of his search for an ideal partner. The lessons taken away from the book will serve to help readers make better choices, become more aware, grow, and change—at any stage of life.

ISBNs

978-1-77302-134-8 (8×10 Large Print Hardcover)

978-1-77302-132-4 (8×10 Large Print Paperback)

978-1-77302-133-1 (eBook)

Amazon US ➜ http://tinyurl.com/hpdbjtp
Amazon CA ➜ http://tinyurl.com/jxa7zab
Amazon AU ➜ http://tinyurl.com/zhufwl6
Amazon UK ➜ http://tinyurl.com/jnrp9dn
Smashwords ➜ http://tinyurl.com/grxg5sv
B&N ➜ http://tinyurl.com/j9murlr
Kobo ➜ http://tinyurl.com/je2ytyp
itunes ➜ http://tinyurl.com/h47zplv
Indigo ➜ http://tinyurl.com/jye4q5m

https://www.facebook.com/MsCreantTheWrongDoers/

https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/58727166-e-a-barker

 

Blog 25: Why do we hurt people who care about us?

This may be yet another middle-aged guy thing.

Recent events have me questioning myself and a new person in my life.

I have too much on my plate, so I deemed it necessary to take a break from social media in order to FOCUS on turning my new place into a home. During this period, I will also be finishing the last round of edits on my manuscript, which I also believe to be a reasonable step. Additionally, it is possible that I have reached the point of exhaustion, as I cannot remember the last time I took even an entire day off or got away from things for a while. In my estimation, taking a break from everyone who can INTERFERE with those goals may not be healthy, yet it seems as though that is what I wish to do.

Attempting to understand what is driving you is never easy.

In my case, I am stressing over MONEY and TIME; but most people have those worries. When I was younger, those things cropped up from time to time but now it seems more frequent. I have had minor health problems and minor injuries that have negatively affected my projected timeline for the COMPLETION of my goals. This is an ongoing nagging FRUSTRATION that has been plaguing me for the last six months. EXPECTATIONS are my problem right now. If you do not have expectations, then you cannot be let down. Life rarely goes as expected, but knowing these words often is not enough to stave off stress.

My VISION of the life that I have been working toward, did not include the possibility of a significant other for reasons that are graphically detailed in my book. Instead, I imagined a life where I would write, travel, lead a healthier lifestyle, and only engage in casual sexual encounters. That is my idea of a SIMPLE PEACEFUL life that would ultimately make me HAPPY. This latest sexy cutie threatens my PLAN, and I have DOUBTS about my ability to meet her long-term needs.

If you allow yourself to stray off course into a relationship, you must have PATIENCE; and patience is something that is in very short supply with me these days.

We all love the feeling of being loved, and we can cling to the new exciting adventure just to keep that feeling. Lately however, I have found myself taking a PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE approach to this wonderful person, as my heart and head wrestle for supremacy. When I am pragmatic, my comments often tear at her fantasy of our future, causing her to be unhappy. I do not like myself when this happens; but it does happen, and quite regularly. There are a great many obstacles in our way, if we were to attempt a serious committed relationship, and I question whether I have the ENERGY or DESIRE to try it one more time. Sometimes, I actually RESENT the intrusion in my life by this beautiful young soul, and we have talked at length about my mixed feelings towards a long-term relationship; yet she PERSISTS, believing that we were brought together for a reason by a divine influence. Her beliefs allow for her to construct a happily ever after story that she is pursuing RELENTLESSLY. Anyone that reads my stuff knows that I do not believe in such things, so her ideology bothers me as well. I all too often view her caring interest as a DISRUPTION due to her INCESSANT need for communication that I view as unnecessary blathering via telephone or text.

I know that I am someone whose singular FOCUS allows me to COMPLETE things.

I know that I may have unrealistic EXPECTATIONS, and I am trying to make a conscious effort to swim with the current more often.

I know that my PLAN for a SIMPLE PEACEFUL life may get lonely or tiresome but should I not at least try it?

I know I am not PERFECTLY happy, but can a perfectionist ever truly be? I would like to find out though.

I know that my PATIENCE is directly tied to my stress level and I must get better at managing stress.

I know that my planned lifestyle changes will improve my ENERGY level.

I know that my internal CONFLICT will persist until I either commit or withdraw from this relationship.

I am very conscious of the fact that I am not being FAIR in this relationship.

I would MISS her if she was no longer in my life.

There is a fine line between doing what you know is best for yourself, and being selfish or narcissistic.

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as how HOW SEVERELY DAMAGED THE AUTHOR IS.

I hope your biggest problem is that someone cares about you.

E. A.

Blog 23: What Is Abuse?

Have you been or are you currently a victim of abuse?

This is a tough topic.

We will explore the grey areas and the results might surprise many of us that BELIEVE that we are in a non-abusive relationship.

I have witnessed or counselled people on almost every aspect and type of abuse without ever realizing the nuances of abuse- never truly connecting all the dots for myself.

Did you ever wonder what happens when the cheerleader marries the football player? This post was inspired by a friend that confessed to me that she has been living in fear and has been the recipient of brutal physical attacks over the last twenty years. It sickened me to hear this. I told her that this is not how anyone should live and encouraged her to contact several different agencies and groups for assistance. She was EMBARRASSED to let others know of her situation. I could not fathom how someone could risk serious person injury or even death because of ego.

I found a wonderful brochure in a waiting room that everyone should read. It is simply entitled “ARE YOU COOL?” (Yes, the title appealed to my ego and I think that I am very cool.) The brochure was reprinted by the YWCA and copies can be ordered through METRAC. Inside was a quiz that went as follows: (I included my own answers from all my previous relationship experiences as I was not in a relationship when I took this quiz.)

Relationship Quiz

In a relationship, have you ever experienced:

  1. physical violence?

YES ____ or NO ____

(I had to answer YES even though she was drunk.)

 

  1. threats that your partner will leave you if you don’t do what he/she asks?

YES ____ or NO ____

(Again I was forced to answer YES.)

 

  1. being kept away from your family and friends?

YES ____ or NO ____

(NO.)

 

  1. not being able to look at or speak to other males/females?

YES ____ or NO ____

(Again I was forced to answer YES.)

 

  1. having to justify your whereabouts?

YES ____ or NO ____

(Again I was forced to answer YES.)

 

  1. your partner using guilt trips to get his/her own way?

YES ____ or NO ____

(Again I was forced to answer YES.)

 

  1. not being able to go out without your partner?

YES ____ or NO ____

(Again I was forced to answer YES.)

 

  1. any put-downs about your physical appearance?

YES ____ or NO ____

(Again I was forced to answer YES.)

 

  1. your partner never being satisfied with you?

YES ____ or NO ____

(NO; that I am aware of.)

 

  1. fear or intimidation by your partner?

YES ____ or NO ____

(NO.)

 

  1. being treated badly or humiliated in front of your friends or family?

YES ____ or NO ____

(Again I was forced to answer YES.)

If you answered YES to one or more questions, you may be in an unhealthy relationship.

“Well DUH!” went through my mind. I learned from these relationships and wrote a book about my misadventures. The mere fact that I have personally experienced EIGHT of a possible ELEVEN did shock me a little though. I am a six foot three inch tall guy that is in good physical condition, weighing in at two-hundred pounds and very capable in a fight, as my early bad boys years proved.

I never thought of myself as a VICTIM until I read this.

On the inside of the brochure is a relationship thermometer that ranges from COOL (blue healthy zone) to WARM (amber warning zone) and finally to HOT (red danger zone). Again I would ask myself if I had ever experienced any of these, but this time I would also ask myself if I had actually DONE any of these.

ARE YOU COOL?

Is your relationship healthy?

Find your relationship on the thermometer…

IN THE BLUE HEALTHY ZONE:

Responsibility- Do you and your partner make decisions and solve problems or conflicts together? (Typically, YES.)

Trust- Do you and your partner respect each other’s feelings, wishes and opinions and do you support each other? (Typically, YES.)

Honesty- Do you and your partner accept responsibility for your actions and talk openly and honestly with each other? (Typically, YES.)

Fairness- Do you and your partner work through conflict so that both of you are satisfied and are you each willing to compromise? (QUESTIONABLE- I believe there is a fundamental problem here. I do not believe that people who compromise can also be satisfied. I wrote at length about the word compromise in my book and how it usually means that one party makes more concessions than the other, or capitulates completely to avoid an escalating conflict.)

No Threats- Do you and your partner talk, act and resolve conflicts in ways that make you both feel comfortable and safe? (Typically, YES.)

Financial Partnership- Do you and your partner share financial decisions and responsibilities? (YES.)

Respect- Do you and your partner respect each other’s feelings, opinions and differences? (Typically YES.)

 

IN THE AMBER WARNING ZONE:

Blame & Denial- Does your partner blame you for making the abuse happen, avoid personal responsibility or deny that there is a problem? (YES, I have had partners with these traits.)

Jealousy- Does your partner check up on you or act jealously or possessively towards you? (YES, I have had this happen to me.)

Control- Does your partner boss you around, give orders, or make all the decisions? (NO, I have not had this happen to me but YES I make my wishes clear when a woman moves into MY place, I expect that it remains my place. However, on the few occasions where we got a place together and were both contributing financially, it became OUR place and had to respect her choices… however bad they may be- especially in the areas of decor and household purchases. If this makes me a control freak, so be it. I like what I like.)

Criticism- Does your partner criticize your appearance, your ideas, your family and your friends, or purposely embarrass you in front of others? (This one is an eye-opener: YES, I have been with critical partners and YES I have been critical of my partner at times. How do you encourage growth and change without criticizing? I had an epiphany here. Perhaps my problem is an unwillingness to accept partners for who they are and whoever they might become- to love their soul and ignore all else. I doubt that I can fix this defect in myself. This may be why I choose to remain unattached.)

Fear- Does your partner have a quick temper, a history of mistreating others, threaten suicide or make you feel afraid? (YES, I once had a partner that threatened suicide but I called her bluff and she did not hurt herself. NO, I do not believe I have used fear as a means of control.)

Force- Does your partner force you to do things that you don’t want to do and make you feel guilty if you disagree? (NO, I have never been forced into anything but YES guilt has been used to manipulate me into doing things I did not want to do. NO, I have never used force against my partner and I consciously avoid using guilt as a weapon to get what I want.)

 

IN THE RED DANGER ZONE:

Physical Abuse- Does your partner slap, push or kick you? (NO.)

Sexual Abuse- Does your partner force you to be involved in sex against your will? (NO.)

Financial Abuse- Does your partner control all the money and how it is spent? (NO.)

Threats & Intimidation- Does your partner threaten to hurt you, your family, friends, pets or scare you with looks, actions or suicidal behaviour? (NO.)

Emotional & Verbal Abuse- Does your partner shout, yell, put you down, call you names or make you feel badly about yourself. (This is interesting. Women have shouted, yelled, put me down, called me names but rarely, if ever, made me feel badly about myself. My self-esteem is not fragile. Arguments will get heated sometimes and YES I have raised my voice out of frustration but to the others I would answer NO.)

Isolation- Does your partner control where you go and when or keep you from family and friends? (NO.)

The brochure concluded with:

HEALTHY or UNHEALTHY?

Having a partner (boyfriend/girlfriend) can be an exciting and important time in your life. If your relationship with your partner is a HEALTHY one, you and your partner will feel good about yourselves and value each other. However, sometimes relationships can be HURTFUL and have a negative effect on your feelings of self-worth and self-confidence. This can happen if your partner is abusive towards you. If this is the case, you are in an UNHEALTHY relationship. Remember, being on your own is also a healthy way to be. Having a partner is not a necessary part of life. Discovering life for yourself can be exciting and rewarding.

What is abuse?

Abuse is being hit, slapped or pushed around. It can also be invisible and leave no marks. Emotional and verbal abuse can be terrifying and equally dangerous.

Does your relationship include abuse?

You may feel that it’s your fault if things aren’t working out. Sometimes living with abuse seems better than being alone. You may hope that your partner will change and the abuse will stop – chances are, things will get worse! This happens to many people – you are not alone and IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! Remember, all forms of abuse are attempts to control. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE, BE YOURSELF, TAKE CHARGE!

What the pamphlet did not delve into is where abuse comes from.

  • It can be a learned behavioural trait. Being a witness to abuse as a child can lead to being abusive as an adult. To these individuals, abuse has become accepted as being NORMAL.
  • It can come from brain injury and brain chemical imbalance. Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder commonly lead to abuse. In some cases, the treatments work but many patients will quit taking their medications or abuse substances that counteract the effects or the medications. If the abuse begins years into an otherwise normal relationship, the victims often stick it out in the hope that things will somehow return to the way they once were.
  • Jealous possessives are people that are very insecure. They usually have low self-esteem or low self-worth because of the emotional damage they carry with them that could have begun in their childhood with bullying, been imparted into them by the educational system or their family members.
  • Psychopaths have trouble understanding right from wrong. They are usually identified and hopefully treated. There is only a very small percentage of violence from persons with psychological disorders despite what movies and the media tell us. Most people with mental disorders are more likely to be victims than perpetrators.

Settling is the first problem. We make bad relationship decisions based on our self-worth with the romantic, but unrealistic notion that we can change the person we select into our ideal mate. From there it is fear of loss that makes us stay in unhealthy relationships as well as a warped acceptance of the unhealthy relationship as time goes by- eventually, IT JUST BECOMES NORMAL.

Not everyone looks very hard at themselves to try to understand their behaviour. Most people will take the easiest path in life, which often results in them living in an abusive environment and raising children there. This perpetuates abuse generation after generation. It is very sad.

What does it take to remove one’s self from an abusive relationship?

  • BRAVERY- you must believe that a better life can be had despite your insecurities.
  • PATIENCE- you must realize that it probably took some time to get you into this situation and it may take a while to get yourself out of it.
  • HELP- few people just pack a bag, get on a bus and leave forever. Most have to get in touch with family, friends and most importantly… the AUTHORITIES on the subject like police, counsellors, groups and organisations that specialize in this area.
  • HONESTY- You must tell everyone what has been happening to you. It will not be easy and some will wonder why you let things get so bad before doing something about it. Others will just open their doors to you. This honesty will afford you some safety. An abuser that is found out is less likely to do anything that could get them in trouble with the authorities.
  • PLANNING- with the guidance of social workers or other PROFESSIONALS, you will be able to leave for somewhere safer without having to worry about the details of your former home.

 

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as HOW HAPPINESS IS ATTAINABLE.

 

I will spend the next little while trying to understand why I persist in writing about tough subjects.

Hopefully, something funny will be the inspiration for the next one.

Until then remember “Life is what YOU make of it.”

E. A.

 

Blog 16: TRUE LOVE and the key to keeping it alive. 27 Important Questions You Must Answer Before Falling In Love.

The secret might just be never allowing COMPLACENCY to enter your relationship.

Easier said; THAN DONE!

 

TRUE LOVE, what is it?

That old couple sitting on a bench holding hands after a lifetime together- true love is in their eyes. He looks into her eyes and still sees the beauty that once was. She looks into his eyes and still sees the man who could raise her heart rate with a glance. She still makes him laugh and he still makes her feel safe.

My book looks at relationships in each decade in our lives. Teens with raging hormones learning about ATTRACTION; to twenty-somethings learning about SELECTION; on to the thirty-somethings learning about SETTLING and everything afterward to our final days.

The bio-chemistry of the pair bond is explained and science proves that it begins to sag after about two years, so true love must be more than the biological responses that kick-started the relationship.

TRUE LOVE begins with a GOOD MATCH.

Opposites may attract and each individual in the relationship may serve to offset the other’s negatives- creating a BALANCED COUPLE that is better and stronger together than individually.

However, these couples do not seem to be able to weather life’s storms, for as soon as the going gets tough and the couple is divided on an issue, the worst character traits of each surface often creating wounds that may never heal.

A good match will be less about initial ATTRACTION and more about quality SELECTION and SETTLING carefully. To accomplish this, you must TRULY KNOW the other.

COMMONALITY means that you will spend more time together as a couple, deriving enjoyment from the same things and you will have fewer things to argue about.

Over time this couple associates JOY with being in the company of their significant other. There is nowhere else that they would rather be. They are never bored. They have absolutely no reason to consider being unfaithful as they are SATISFIED on every level.

This may be how to BEGIN the journey to TRUE LOVE.

Take the test to see how you fair.

Upbringing:                                                                                       [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Education:                                                                                        [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Skill sets:                                                                                          [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Work ethic:                                                                                       [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Morals:                                                                                             [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Scruples:                                                                                          [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Personality Types:                                                                           [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on sex:                                                                                   [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on pets:                                                                                 [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on foods:                                                                               [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on children:                                                                           [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on lifestyle:                                                                            [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on physical health:                                                                [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on emotional health:                                                              [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on mental health:                                                                   [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on spiritual health:                                                                 [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on politics:                                                                             [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on society:                                                                             [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on mankind:                                                                          [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on the environment:                                                              [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on television programs:                                                         [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on film choices:                                                                      [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on music:                                                                               [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on live entertainment:                                                            [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on reading:                                                                            [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on sports:                                                                              [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

With the passage of time, the world changes people.

Question: How did that old couple holding hands on the bench, weather so many of life’s storms without allowing events to damage their relationship?

ANSWER: THEIR COMMONALITY ALWAYS PULLED THEM THROUGH!

This couple is capable of living in a tent, cooking canned foods on a camp stove with no money and yet they remain HAPPY to be there with each other.

They have FAITH in each other so they BELIEVE that things will improve.

They have the PATIENCE to wait for brighter days.

They TRUST that both will eventually succeed in their endeavors.

They RESPECT the chosen path of their partner.

Their partner is a PERFECT match for them.

Their partner never required CHANGE.

They never had EXPECTATIONS of their partner.

They ACKNOWLEDGE their own CHOICES.

They are GRATEFUL for their partner CHOOSING them.

They are CONTENT with the CHOICE they made.

They LEARNED and GREW together.

They KNOW how FORTUNATE they are.

They are THANKFUL for their luck.

They were incapable of MANIPULATING the other.

They never had to LIE to the other.

They never wanted to or needed to keep SECRETS from the other.

They were capable of total HONESTY with each other.

They APPRECIATE all things- big or small that their partner does for them.

They WORKED for and achieved TRUE LOVE because it was EASY for them due to COMMONALITY.

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as HOW TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE IF YOU CHOOSE WISELY.

Happiness is for the brave among us.

You have to take some risks to achieve happiness.

You can minimize those risks by not thinking with your glands.

I TRULY LOVE my readers.

Have a great week and the next time you say “I LOVE YOU”; really mean it.

E. A.

Blog 15.2: Taboo Subjects:

Politics, Sex and Religion!

An age of enlightenment will have to include these talking points.

Total honesty and frankness are necessary to discuss these topics.

FREEDOM of thought and expression are required in the societies of the world or nothing is resolved.

Part 2: SEX.

We are ALL driven to have it- whether alone, with another or with several others depending on your pathology.

In my book, I intentionally omitted a section on sexual acts, preferring instead to tell readers about how the brain and body responds to stimuli leading to sex and ultimately a pair-bond. There are only passing references to sexual acts as every conceivable one has been written to death since the advent of the internet.

A lyric from the song: “I’m an Adult Now” by the band: The Pursuit of Happiness, states that “sex is either boring or dirty”. While not wrong in many cases, the statement is not entirely correct either.

THE QUALITY OF YOUR SEX LIFE IS A CHOICE- just as with the quality of any aspect of your life.

You can make a great sex life a PRIORITY and put an EFFORT into accomplishing your goal, or you can view sex as merely something you need to do to reset your hormonal balance occasionally.

The latter is how sex can become boring.

Being “good in bed” means that you have RESEARCHED the subject, PRACTISED your skills, have a PASSION to improve and you enjoy the WORK. If you are not WORKING in bed, you are not as good a lover as you think.

So here is how your relationship can directly influence the quality of your sex life; or (visa-versa) here is how your sex life can directly influence the quality of your relationship.

Masturbation:

This is how we learn about our bodies and what triggers have the effect of “turning us on”. This is thought by many cultures to be a TABOO subject. Children are rarely prepared for this activity and most are left to figure it out for themselves. Once they have, most cannot discuss their findings with ANYONE.

THIS IS WHY A STIGMA IS ATTACHED TO SEX FROM THE BEGINNING.

Everyone does it, but no one talks about it in proper society.

Masturbation continues for most people throughout their lives as a go-to ESCAPE from daily pressures, unsatisfying sex with a partner or insufficient sex in a committed relationship.

MASTURBATION IS VIEWED WRONGLY BY MOST PEOPLE.

INSECURE MEN will think that when their partner is fantasizing and masturbating in the tub, is a comment on their sexual prowess. It usually is not; even if you have just an average sex life. Women rarely leave a relationship solely because of sex. They have MANY other criteria that they judge men on that rank much higher than sex.

INSECURE WOMEN view their partner’s masturbation habits as a signal that their significant other no longer finds them attractive. They think that he would rather be looking at pornography than at them. What women need to remember is that men view masturbation the way you view taking a long bath. It takes LITTLE EFFORT compared to having sex and is very relaxing.

ALMOST ALL HUMANS ARE LAZY. They usually take the fastest, simplest, easiest path to achieving an objective, so when sex with your partner becomes a CHORE that you do not want to do- it is a reflection of the quality of the rest of the aspects of your relationship.

Beginner Sex:

Let us all admit that our first sexual encounters were awkward, rushed and possibly unsatisfying- probably filled with anxiety during and potentially guilt afterwards.

If there is a singular most significant component to the loss of innocence on the path to adulthood, it is having sex for the first time. It even beats out the day you found out that Santa is not real.

Because sex in the early teen years is frowned upon by North American society, our children are rarely prepared and most do not use a condom the first time. This of course opens the door to childhood pregnancy and increases the risk of sexually transmitted disease.

Ideally, their first sexual experience is a result of a “young love” situation where boy meets girl. They date for some time- moving very slowly toward sex. Boy feels his first pair of breasts. Girl feels her first penis. Boy feels his first vagina. They engage in conventional penis in vagina sex using a condom and think that they are head-over-heels in love. Later they will experiment with other sexual acts as they explore these new found sensations.

A SHOCKINGLY HIGH PERCENTAGE OF BOTH MEN AND WOMEN NEVER GRADUATE BEYOND BEGINNER.

They hear things, read things and some watch things but conclude that not everyone can achieve this stuff so they do not put any further EFFORT into the activity.

20% of healthy women have never had an orgasm of any kind.

50% of women have never had a vaginal orgasm.

95% of women have never had a squirting G-spot orgasm.

There are sexless relationships that are about companionship, friendship, mutual advantage and so forth. For some it can work.

I tried it once. It was not for me.

Casual Sex:

This is where sex becomes dirty for most.

Because most casual sexual encounters lack affection, respect is not present and there are no boundaries. For the uninhibited, this opens a door to a whole new world of sexual exploration that will quickly lead to depravity.

Casual sex is often very selfish sex. I remember an instance where a woman climbed off; said thanks and left for an appointment without so much as a kiss on the cheek. She left me high and not so dry and told me to finish on my own.

Conversely, I freely admit that I cared so little about past “receptacles” that I rarely could remember their names- EVEN DURING!

Honeymoon Sex:

If you have a WILLING and OPEN-MINDED partner, you can explore human sexuality together- growing and learning about each other as a couple. As the comfort level increases, it becomes EASIER to please one-another- taking LESS EFFORT. Once this level of intimacy is reached, there is little desire to go elsewhere for sex that will not be as good or that would require a greater EFFORT.

SEX CAN BE ADDICTIVE to lazy humans.

This pattern of behaviour often creates THE HONEYMOON EFFECT as I call it, where a couple stays in a committed relationship purely as a result of great sex.

Unfortunately, about two years in, when hormonal responses NATURALLY begin to decline, the couple may find that there is little else of value to their relationship and part.

Those are the smart ones.

This is my pathology.

I have been guilty of this practice throughout much of my life and I am working on it.

My basic problem is that I do not REQUIRE a woman in my life for anything other than sex. I am very independent, unlike so many men out there that cannot function without a woman directing their lives. I enjoy an attractive dinner companion / conversationalist and I try not to sleep with them – especially if they have a brilliant mind.

Unfortunately, a great many of these couples will have come to rely on this relationship for SECURITY: a roof over their heads- living together; financial security- joint accounts and mutual debt; or perhaps worst of all, because children are involved.

SEX IS A BAD BEGINNING TO A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP.

Initially, they committed to the relationship because the sex was great and it was easy- THEY WERE LAZY.

They will have to do a TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF WORK on their relationship from this point forward in order to stay together and the odds are against them.

Adult Sex:

Genuine mutual affection (LOVE) means that MUTUAL RESPECT exists in the relationship.

The couple understands that RESPECT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SEX to their future.

The couple is open-minded and willing to experiment BUT WITH BOUNDARIES that NEVER create a situation that may sacrifice the COMFORT LEVEL of either party or their MUTUAL RESPECT for each other.

Communication PRIOR to experimentation is the key to fun adult sex in a SOLID LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP.

If this does not sound like your relationship, then you need to WORK on it.

Quit being so LAZY!

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as HOW COMPLACENCY KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

If you have someone in your life that you RESPECT and have good sex with, tell them that you love them often.

You are one of the very few lucky ones.

I am working on my misogynistic tendencies just in case there is an extraordinary woman out there that needs me EVEN LESS than I need her.

Have a great sex filled week.

E. A.