I am still disappointed and even more disgusted than ever by the things I have discovered since we split up.
Long ago, at the beginning you said: ‘Sometimes I have trouble knowing right from wrong.’ I should have seen this for what it is; a common trait among sociopaths, but instead I intervened in what I now see as your karmic destiny.
In another conversation, you told of being called a succubus, yet you did not really mind this worst of all slurs of your person. In fact you seemed to like the idea of playing the part. As a so-called life-long “religious” person, this should have been the ultimate affront to you because of the morality your church has been preaching to you for years, apparently without success.
“A succubus is a demon in female form, or supernatural entity in folklore, that appears in dreams and takes the form of a woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. The male counterpart is the incubus. Religious traditions hold that repeated sexual activity with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or mental state, or even death.”
The “shoe” fits, princess. My career was slowed by making you a priority in my life—dealing with your endless problems. My health suffered as a result of the concern, stress, and time you took away from making badly needed money. And wow, did you screw with my mental state. It took longer than the two weeks I joked about when we were “together” to get over you. It took two months.
I don’t care that you have not paid the outstanding amount owed to me. In my rage I was as cruel with my words as I was capable of, and you have obviously used this to rationalize stiffing me. HOWEVER, what is not acceptable is you have not paid at least one of our mutual friends, and perhaps others, now that you have a life which affords you the opportunity to repay those who fell for your bullshit.
Get your crap together and pay your debts before you do end up in hell.
(This one is really just for kicks, shits, and giggles because I needed to blog something here. I do not hold out any hope the party in question will suddenly develop a conscience. Peace out!)
I disagree. Not knowing fosters anxiety even in a guy like me who is wildly over self-examined. You receive a cryptic message about an emergency situation telling you they will get in touch as soon as more information is available. You wait; all the while consciously trying not to think the worst, but as the hours pass you inevitably let your guard down allowing the darkest possible outcomes to play out in your mind.
Times like these test your beliefs. As my handful of readers already know, I am not religiously inclined, and I have attempted to shed almost all beliefs—viewing them as traps which serve no other purpose than to allow us to be manipulated, usually through fear. I no longer fear for myself, but I do fear for others; especially those close to me. After ten hours of checking my phone, I did something that helped to ease my mind which could be labelled in a number of different ways depending on the beliefs of the person applying the label. I looked at the sky and thought:
‘Please, let them be okay.’
Most would call this praying. A far smaller number would say I was putting positive energy into the universe to create a desired outcome. For me, it was merely a mental exercise to firstly accept a situation that was outside of my control, and secondly, a way to master my anxiety once again. I never say there is no God or gods. Instead, I leave room for the possibility. While I would like to think we live in a deterministic universe where we each have free will and where, if we channel our collective energies in a particular direction, we can control destiny or fate. Sadly, thus far at least, there is no absolute proof of this one either. What I find fascinating at times like this is I am willing to give them a go without any belief in them. My “Leave no rock unturned.” approach may be the reason. If it can’t hurt and could help then why not?
Studies into prayer and meditation show the human brain behaves very differently when we partake in these activities, indicating there is “something to them”. Maybe we level up our consciousness, or maybe we just reduce our brain activity to a level where we find clarity; where we can accept that some things are outside of our control, and where we can let go of our irrational fears. After all, it is fear that spawns our worries, and it is the quantity of those worries we created in our head which can lead us into full-blown anxiety.
Some would say my “prayer” was answered.
I will not and cannot allow this label to be applied to my story, for if I do, I would become narrow or closed-minded with a singular viewpoint, and I like to think I have outgrown being that guy.
Why choose black or white when there is so much gray area to be explored?
It took two more hours of waiting, but the news I finally received was not terrible. Did God intervene at my request? Not likely. Did I use my incredible mind powers to have the universe alter our reality? I seriously doubt it. So what did happen then?
Things are not in our control. They never have been throughout recorded history. Everything is temporary, including each of us. The control freaks who rise to power and prominence do so by having a narrow focus. It serves them for a while, but historically, it inevitably leads to their demise because a time ALWAYS comes when they need to consider possibilities outside of their doctrine. We see maniacal despots in the media each day who are single-mindedly hell-bent on creating division and hatred everywhere they can. They only have power over the closed-minded, and this is why they work so hard at recruiting or creating the like-minded.
Avoid choosing a side because neither side can see the other possibilities.
It’s been a rough year, so why should December be any different? However, today’s news was not as bad as some of the outcomes from my anxiety based mental conjuring. For this I am grateful. As we enter the holiday season, I hope you and yours are safe, healthy, and happy. If you fall into this lucky group, please take a moment to realize how lucky you are. Not everyone is as lucky as you. Life really is about luck, and the funny thing about luck is it can change in the blink of an eye.
If you know someone who espouses the notion that we make our own luck, remind them that while hard work and focus can help them climb the ladder of success, only a healthy person can cling to the rungs.
I am a seeker. I read nonfiction to find answers to big questions.
One big question of many that perplex me when it comes to the State of Israel and Jewish people is: Why are 14.2 million people more newsworthy in the West than the other 6.86 billion people of the world? Is there more to this than media control, ownership, or the claimed disproportionate number of Jewish people working in Western media? I don’t know. When I don’t know something, I read, and keep on reading until I find answers. This tiny segment of the world’s population endlessly reminds us of their stories of persecution; some of these stories are based on historically documented facts, while others have so little empirical evidence they border on the mythological. A media spotlight affords a tiny state some protection from transgressors, but in doing so, it can also cast a shadow on any freshly dug graves.
If you want to truly get a handle on a culture, you must dive into their indoctrinations.
The world’s religions mastered indoctrination long ago, so this, I thought, would be a good area to acquire a better grasp of a people without diving into the more volatile areas of politics and economics.
Yesterday’s read began with enthusiasm as I found a book which was touted to be: A Guide to Jewish Wisdom; something that appealed to me on a couple of different levels even though I am not Jewish, and have—putting it mildly—a general dislike of almost all religions for their exploitive, for-profit business model which excludes aid to anyone who is not a paying customer. Firstly, this book appealed to the researcher inside me as I am usually forced to open dozens of books over several days just to find puzzle pieces which I then have to make notes on and later assemble into something that makes sense. It’s a good day when you find an author who has done all the work for you. Secondly, I have not given Judaism its due, relative to the volume of reading I have done on all of the larger religions. Oh sure I have skimmed the Tanakh and read the greatest hits of the Torah in my fact-finding missions to compare stories from other religions, but I really did not have a “feel” for this group’s beliefs. I really hoped this book on the mystical side of Judaism: Kabbalah, would give me a better understanding of the big picture.
A great many authors should thank their lucky stars I don’t publish reviews or ratings below three stars on a five star scale.
This book dodged a bullet. When we choose a nonfiction book to read, we are encouraged to pay attention to the credentials of the author as though only a credentialed person can put forth a valid thought—or so the publishing world a.k.a. print media would have us believe. The author is a Rabbi and an educational psychologist so I expected a balance of theology with logic and reason. What I got was a heavy dose of mysticism, magic, and the supernatural with a smattering of references to empirical research that, at best, offered a weak endorsement of how the magic worked. The spiritual mumbo jumbo, of course, told the believer how to think and live “correctly”:
‘You must be a giving person.’
In fact, there was an entire paragraph on how to appropriately greet and compensate a Kabbalist or Hassidic rebbeif you were ever fortunate enough to garner their attention.
‘You must not be an egotist.’
And yet the author saw fit to publish a photo of himself with the Dali Lama instead of one where he was feeding or counseling “displaced” Palestinian children.
In fairness, I expect hypocrisy in all books from theologians, however once you strip away the nonsense, there were about fifty pages of good reading where the author succinctly explained: The Ten Sefirot, the meaning of the Star of David, and he interpreted a number of commonly used Jewish religious terms while passing along some insights into Judaic “philosophy”. The book was just 200 pages so I’ll give it a 1.25 star rating.
Every book will give you something.
What did I learn? Nothing Earth shattering, but it would appear that Judaism:
Is a very complex belief system which requires significant interpretation.
Has a significant number of teachings related to self.
Places women closer to men in terms of equality.
Has roots in Zoroastrianism.
Is open to different planes of existence, science, and multiple universes.
Believes they have all the answers.
Believes Hebrew is the Holy tongue—necessary to enter a higher reality.
Believes their religious men are above the average follower.
Believes the Torah contains a hidden spiritual code supported by mathematics.
Codify beliefs into law in much the same way Muslims do.
This lacklustre book did however point me at a new target of inquiry. It seems that in the 1700’s a scholastic elite were the only ones with access to Jewish literary works. This wreaks of potential tampering akin to Constantine or King James. I’ll let you know if anything interesting turns up once I have chased down this lead.
They tell me young people will only read memes or short posts of 500 words or less so I decided to give them a “best of” package of last year’s tweets. Please feel free to share any which stir something within you.
Awareness is only for people who can work a problem.
So far in this series, we have explored a number of topics, all of which are influenced by what we CHOOSE to believe or by the beliefs handed down to us, which we ACCEPTED because we TRUSTED the source.
Here is a recap:
Is America as DIVIDED as we are being led to believe?
As parents, are we CONSCIOUS of what beliefs we are instilling in our children?
Are we AWARE?
Two dimensional thinking: There is a third alternative to ACCEPTANCE or REJECTION.
Can what we believe affect our HEALTH?
COPING is directly related to our beliefs. Choose wisely.
One of my very limited number of beliefs: The Internet is bad! Yet here I am on it—the irony.
Are good people disappearing or do we just have to be less JUDGMENTAL?
Can too much knowledge and awareness be detrimental?
There exists in about 10% of the population, a desire to know the TRUTH of what mankind is; our place in the universe; our destiny etc., which leads me to one of my favorite sayings:
Do not ask a question if you are not prepared to hear the answer!
“The truth will set you free” ONLY works for a very few among us who are capable of coping with the truth of what is. These people have disciplined minds and a broad scope of knowledge which is not found in compartmentalized academic institutions. Academia can still teach us a great deal about how to perform solid research, but once you look at any one discipline, it becomes immediately apparent that doctrine is being adhered to.
Only a BALANCED mind should attempt such a journey.
You will need a fundamental understanding of a great many academic disciplines, if you are to find the answers you seek without being “led down the garden path” by the myriad of intellectual booby-traps which have been carefully placed in EVERY FIELD you will explore.
Philosophy will help you to remain calm and centered as you uncover the disturbing. It is also the best place to learn about morals, ethics and scruples without BIAS.
Psychology will help you to control your thoughts, and it lets you see how others have been attempting to do this very thing—and on a vast scale.
History has documented all the important human, political, and economic events, but NEVER lose sight of the fact that most history books (and all books in other disciplines as well): were written by the conquerors; were subjected to an academic review process; are part of an ONGOING editorial process within the publishing house with each new edition; and may have been released purely as a propaganda piece to throw the unwary off the scent.
Theology—NOT Religious Studies—viewed with the eyes of a historical researcher.
Biology and Genetics will show you the inner workings of humans and what drives them.
Astrophysics and Particle Physics, if for no other reason than they are getting closer everyday to: “The Theory of Everything”.
You will need all of this, PLUS a solid understanding of yourself, to be able to wade through the obfuscation. There will be days where you close a reference book after days of reading, and say to yourself:
“Well that’s bullshit, if I ever did see it.”
Hint: Don’t waste your time studying Economics because it is all lies—and so far as Political “Science” is concerned . . . you might as well enroll in Theater Arts.
When young impetuous people ask me for the answers, I tell them one of two things:
“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
“Follow the money.”
The second is for the few who I believe could benefit from such knowledge. I have followed the money, and thus far, I have thoroughly researched two hundred years of human history. I assure you, you will not like my TRUTHS.
So, should the majority remain just one of the oblivious huddled masses?
Anyone can become more than they are.
There are a great many levels of awareness. The key to a better life is to know some “TRUTHS” which will assist you in making informed choices for you and your loved ones.
Become aware of ONLY what your psyche can handle.
You may have to work on yourself before you can “level up”.
I know that if I choose to BELIEVE this, the universe will conspire to make this my REALITY so I fight this negative thought despite the overwhelming mounting evidence which seems to surround me. If I were to make this a personal belief, it could forever change me into someone I do not like. I could become bitter, resentful, and wary of the intentions of the people I meet. Truth be known, I am wary. I accept this about myself and simply view it as a defense mechanism―a result of living a long life among other humans.
What is a “solid” person?
Everyone will have a slightly different answer depending on their life experiences and their personal code of conduct which reflects how well developed their super-ego is. Freud first used this term almost one hundred years ago to describe the part of us that is supposed to moderate the wants of our id and ego. Some call it a moral center or compass, but it is also made up of the ethics and scruples taught to us which are also key components to a conscience. When we assess whether or not a person is “solid”, we are JUDGING them based on our own set of values.
People usually want to surround themselves with people possessing similar values but we cannot expect others in our social circles to live up to the standards we set for ourselves or else we set ourselves up for disappointment―a mistake I keep making.
I set very high achievable standards for myself, even though those standards often require a significant effort on my part in order to clear the bar. I have always wanted to be a good person―a “solid” person. When I was young and naive, just a couple of years ago, I actually thought most people wanted the same for themselves. However, life has a way of showing you just how wrong you can be.
Traits of “solid” people:
They are honorable. Their word is their bond. It means everything to them.
They care. They will drop everything to help a friend, loved one or even strangers.
They give. They are grateful to be in a position to help.
They remember everyone who ever helped them.
They have your back. They know your worth. They stand up for you when gossips attempt to assassinate your character when you are not around.
I am fortunate to have a few such people in my life. Sadly, the number has dwindled over the years as the true nature of some fair weather types was finally revealed to me. If we are to use the above list to JUDGE others, we absolutely cannot fail someone for not achieving a perfect score. There are caring, giving, appreciative people who just cannot keep commitments they make, usually because they lack the organizational skills to keep track of their lives. While these good people may not live up to our Utopian expectations, they are nonetheless well meaning. They will frustrate us when they fail to come through on time, but the point is . . . they do come through eventually.
Some say: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
If we must KEEP SCORE in order to gauge the quality of these relationships, I believe we should measure intentions vs. deeds expressed as a ratio. You can very quickly separate the talkers from the walkers in this way.
If you are over forty and have to deal with millennials or younger people on a regular basis, you will be frustrated by what appears to be a total lack of honor―where their word means nothing. Give them time. Eventually they will see the importance of being honorable. Until then, keep an eye on their intentions vs. deeds ratio before you say they are not solid.