I’m Easy!

It’s true.

Thanks to the SEO work I do when publishing each blog, I will be forever searchable using tags like: easy author, easy writer, and a few others I haven’t thought of yet. When a female reader comes along, I cannot help but crush on them a little. If they are reading my book, I can feel my heart beating in my chest as they give me their impression of my work. Often, they update me as they read—a blow by blow if you will—every encouraging word softly stoking my psyche.

It’s not that I’m an egotist.

Praising a writer is like showing love to an abused animal; they quickly return that love any way they can, and it’s an honest loyal kind of love . . . until the leg humping begins.

As for the extra special ones who took the time to write a favourable review. . . well . . . they could have me with a snap of their fingers.

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Rated R: Sex, Academic Lies, and Video Tape

What is manly?

Is wrestling manly? I probably couldn’t wrestle my way out of a drunken all female Mazola party these days, but that may be more due to a lack of desire than capability. To avoid any more middle-aged sex related injuries, which are embarrassing to explain to your doctor, I now spend much more time wrestling with ideas and questions. They are much safer, even though Doc thoroughly enjoys hearing of my exploits . . . perhaps a little too much, now that I think about it.

Some of what goes on in my cerebrum is farcical while other thoughts are incredibly deep for a male—or so I’ve been told. To better illustrate how man-brains work, for our female readers, I will let you peer in to see what is rolling around in here in these next sentences. Could a female friend pin me in a bare knuckle match without the benefit of any lube to help me escape? Would I want to escape? Would I throw the match and submit? Does this make me submissive? Can a submissive man still be manly? If she won fair and square, without resorting to tickling, would she be considered manly? Would her conquest relegate all six-foot-three two hundred pounds of me to the effeminate loser list? Why are there winners and losers? Who thought that up? Who are the beneficiaries, and who or what suffers in a social construct such as this?

I tend to look at most things as systems.

Ecosystems show us how all things are connected and how there is intelligent design behind them which endlessly strive to maintain a healthy balance.

Each life form follows a program. We call this nature and natural.

I look at humans in much the same way, but we are different. We have the power of choice and yet we seem to endlessly choose poorly. Why is this? What if our program has been, and continues to be, tampered with? In my book I put forth the idea The Princess Program has been responsible for holding women back from reaching their full potential for generations.

I now see the Princess Program as more of a subroutine to a larger Patriarchy Program where, at some point in history, men discovered TAKING WAS EASIER THAN MAKING.

Thus began our long string of bloody conquests which continue to this day. Has patriarchy always been with us? If you were to rely purely on the mainstream Western history we are taught in school you might think so. “They” tell us about “recorded history” which currently sits at about 5500 years with a focus on empires rather than civilizations which shift from Egypt, to Greece, to Rome. “Coincidentally”, the first written records of religious practice date to almost the same time: circa 3500 BCE in Sumer, but no historian can say how long Mesopotamia had religion before that. Regardless, all significant religions would be male dominated from 3150 BCE forward. I call all of this “patriarchy approved history” because academia discredits, downplays, ignores, suppresses, and will not fund research into early civilizations which may have done things differently.

Publishing anything in academic circles about a more balanced, harmonious, democratic, and sustainable way of living is not encouraged.

You and your children probably never heard anything in history class about African matriarchies dating back to 8000 BCE, nor are future generations likely to. The countries that could have shown us a better way have been completely conquered or destabilized by Western “interests” . . . destroying their cultures and much of their histories in the process. Prior to my rewrite of this section, I had compiled a list of what could be construed as signs of matriarchy throughout history, but it occurred to me that:

FEMALE RULE DOES NOT A MATRIARCHY MAKE.

So I scrapped it. There was hierarchy, militarism, and taxation systems evident in each, and these are the signs of patriarchy. The patriarchy loves pharaonic Egypt where one man was worshipped as a god. This became the touchstone.

It is a construct.

Patriarchy gave us aggressive autocracy, a class system, and the near total subjugation of women. What happens when a patriarchal society can no longer expand its borders and wealth through conquest? It turns inward on itself to exploit its own citizens and lands.

The patriarchy can never have enough.

It over-taxes, it makes cuts to education, it cuts social programs, it gouges for medicines, it suppresses reliable news sources and replaces them with propagandists, and it buys politicians and lawmakers as tools of the trade.

I now see racism, patriotism, sexism, political divide, corruption, inequality, a military industrial complex, the entertainment industry, higher education, the Internet, security agencies, and the porn industry as being functionaries of an unnatural and long-standing Patriarchy Program.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Question: When is a blow job no longer just a blowie?

Answer: When it is degrading the blower.

I have been studying human relationships for nearly as long as I’ve been alive. Lately this, ahem, purely intellectual pursuit has led me to study the world of porn. My indoctrination into the objectifying sexist world of the patriarchy began at age twelve when a friend across the street discovered a stash of his father’s old Playboy magazines hidden deep in a crawlspace.

Each of us who were invited to take a look, stuffed a few magazines down our pants which helped a short time later to cover our erections as we walked hurriedly passed our moms to our rooms for about one minute of auto-erotic fun before finding a safe hiding spot for our new loves. Yes, we developed and talked about our attachments to our paper fantasy women. I would talk about how my girl Brandi loved to swim naked, and my friend would say how his Cindy-Jo likes to roll around in the barn wearing only cut-off shorts and suspenders.

A couple of years later, our supplier’s dad upgraded to Penthouse which was showing vagina so most of the neighbourhood boys switched as well. By the time Larry Flint hit the scene with Hustler, I had a regular supply of real vagina life support systems, a.k.a girlfriends, so I left porn mostly behind. The previous sentence shows how my objectification indoctrination into the patriarchy had taken hold at an early age. My view at the time was girls were in possession of boobs and vaginae and I really liked and wanted these things. A pretty face ranked third on my list of wants, and there was no thought whatsoever given to their minds. On the odd occasion when I had an opportunity to peek into Hustler, I remember not fully comprehending why any guy would want to look at these “hard core” women who weren’t nearly as pretty as the girls in Playboy or Penthouse.

Who wants a skanky slut who’s seen more dick ends than weekends?

Things have changed, and not for the better, but fortunately so have I. Did you know 90% of boys and 60% of girls are exposed to Internet porn by age 18? Do you also realize the extent to which the hard core porn industry dominates Internet browsers? I am a fan of Fine Art Nude Photography, but it is next to impossible to find photographers like Radoslaw Pujan through Bing or Google image searches because of the SEO strategies employed by the porn industry.

It’s as though they want to put the ugliest most degrading imagery of women in front of every casual passerby, and tragically, this includes our youth.

This does however explain all the submissive cum-dumpsters worshipping at the alter of cock we see everywhere these days.

This is not sex forward feminism. This is an abomination of that idea.

Trend following behaviours are indicators of a pliable psyche which is susceptible to mental conditioning.

I believe this to be the ultimate goal of today’s patriarchs which is best illustrated by young people who claim their sexual explorations, tattoos, piercings, and silver coloured hair are signs of their individuality. If you didn’t do it first, you are just proudly telling the world how easily you are led, how desperate you are to fit in, and how oblivious you are to being manipulated. These are badges of conformity-not independence -an acknowledgement of your submission to The Patriarchy Program.

The patriarchy really knows what it’s doing.

Can you say the same?

We are all indoctrinated into this system before we are wise enough to question it. If you want to break your chains or ensure your children do not succumb to these many forms of psychological programming, just teach them to never stop asking the question three-year-olds love to ask:

Why?

A questioning mind is a gift which will lead them to awareness and conscience. People so equipped can navigate life making fewer poor decisions which ultimately frees them from the unhappiness plaguing most of humanity. These true individuals can beat back the patriarchs merely by not playing along, and they will be needed in greater numbers than ever before in the next two generations. We have reached the tipping point.

Any “us and them” divide which blinds people with hate and rage is another victory for the patriarchs in their covert war on humanity.

Don’t be a joiner.

Saying no is the true mark of individuality and freedom of thought.

What Really Went Down In The Garden Of Eden?

Really?

I have to do this in the 21rst century?

Fine.

WARNING: This blog is not suitable for religious fanatics nor is it for people who do not understand and appreciate satirical witticisms.

Over 2000 YEARS have passed since the death of Christ. Had humans learned anything from his words and life, I would not have to put a warning label on a blog that was written to entertain. However, there are a great many people in the world who cling to dogmatic religious beliefs without questioning the author, translator and presenter of their chosen book of faith. That is their right. Hopefully these people are GOD fearing and do good deeds in order to have a nice afterlife. Religion is arguably better than substance abuse for escapists. Acts of religious terrorism aside, you never hear about a person drunk on religious fervour crashing into a school bus full of kids.

I have a private spiritual side to my being.

It need not be discussed.

I do not require you to believe as I do in order for you to be one of my readers.

Anyone who has read anything I have written knows I embrace satire. It is what I do. I seek to see humour and spread laughter wherever possible, and I understand not everyone gets the joke. Just the other day a neighbour down the street had an underground water pipe burst that was bubbling to the surface. I teased her by saying she had her lawnmower set too low and I was going to have to tell the owner. She did not get it. I had to explain it to her.

satire   noun   1: ridicule, irony or sarcasm in speech or writing.

I am totally throwing this out there based on distant memories from my childhood Sunday school classes. I will not fact check this ridiculous story, so if it is misquoted, SO BE IT!

“So let it be written. So let it be done.”

. . .

In the beginning GOD created the heavens and the Earth and they were good.

Next, HE created man in his own image.

After six of HIS days of hard work, HE took a day off. HE deserved it.

It does appear men were here first. We also presume men lived a very long time—nearly immortal—living pain-free in the Garden’s disease-free environment where entropy was somehow slowed way down or switched off.

So what would the life of a man be like in such Utopian conditions?

For sure there would be gambling, scotch, and cigars. The things between our legs were just used for drainage. Men would gather to play cards, drink whiskey, and smoke each evening after a day of eating a nearly vegetarian, if not vegan, diet of everything one could want; EXCEPT APPLES! We were told not to touch those, and we were good with the rules as back then, as when we talked to GOD, HE answered us. Who knows, maybe HE sat in on poker night occasionally on HIS day off. I am not certain if fish and bread were on the menu yet. Smoking and drinking did not hurt us back then.

Years—perhaps even centuries—passed this way, and we created all the various art forms and practised the ones THE MAKER had intended for us. HE enjoyed our finished works, but as time continued to roll on, you could see HE was getting bored with us. HE would not pop in as often and did not get as excited about our works as HE once did. Perhaps HE thought we would grow faster as a species and was disappointed with our progress.

We men are not as oblivious to the feelings of others as some may think.

We were concerned about this development and called a general meeting to get some ideas as to how we might shake things up for HIM. HE was a cool guy who was really smart. HE could answer any question, and we wanted HIM around.

Here was our problem at this point in history:

  1. The sculptors had sculpted everything in The Garden.
  2. The builders had built everything imaginable with the materials available in The Garden.
  3. The artists had painted everything in The Garden.
  4. The musicians had created every note and played every combination of notes.
  5. The writers had written every story of life in The Garden.

We were stumped. Not a single guy at the meeting could come up with something truly new and exciting. What would happen next would change all that. It is not clear if HE had a divine hand in these events or if they happened when HE was not paying attention.

The Adam’s rib story just does not hold water, but it is a great rib joint. The talking serpent is a little far-fetched too.

This is what may have really happened:

One day, a large flying craft that was not a bird, landed in The Garden. It was made of something not found in The Garden. We were all very curious as this NEW THING could be the answer to our concerns. Men from all over The Garden gathered to view this new thing and apply their talents to the inspiration it offered us.

After only a short time, a door opened and out came beings similar to us, but different.

They called themselves women, and explained they had come to The Garden from the neighbouring planet of Venus. They were prettier than us. They smelled better than us, and for reasons I cannot explain, suddenly we were more interested in them than poker night or our artistic pursuits.

Note to self: Ask GOD what a planet is?

The only concern we had was they came from OUTSIDE of The Garden, but so did GOD and HE was cool. They showed us many new and wonderful things. Especially nice was another thing to do with the stuff between our legs. Now our dangly parts would actually point to them, like some kind of direction-finder. They made us feel very good; even better than before.

They asked us about the apples and could not understand why we would not touch them. They were not afraid of GOD and did not seem to know HIM. They ate the apples and nothing bad happened when they did. They talked most of us into eating them too.

For some reason these women were able to get us to do just about anything they desired.

Note to self: Ask GOD why we wish to please women like we once tried to please HIM?

The answer to that one came to me all by myself. Women were easier to please than HE is, and they stick around.  They liked our works, and everything about us was new to them. They were excited by us—not bored; at least not yet.

GOD eventually stuck HIS head in, appearing tired from building universes—whatever they were—and looking to unwind with the boys, but some of our poker buddies did not show up. GOD asked why, and we told HIM all about the women and the apple tree, and I asked HIM what planets and universes were. HE stood up, and with a wave of HIS hand, threw the poker table across the room and left without answering my question.

This was upsetting to those of us who were there. We had never seen HIM angry before. We figured HE would eventually cool down and come back; after all we had been buds for centuries—whatever centuries are.

BOY, WERE WE WRONG!

HE came back as mad as ever and booted us out of The Garden. HE used a new word that day as he watched us go forth to multiply. In what sounded like a warning, these were HIS final words to us as we left:

“Be careful of MANipulation my little brothers.”

We did not know what HE meant, and we had no one to ask except the women. At least HE let us keep them.

So here is how things have gone for men ever since:

  1. We age and die way faster now.
  2. GOD has not visited since.
  3. He may be listening, but he never answers anymore.
  4. We miss him.
  5. Women can make us feel good for a short time, but we used to feel good ALL THE TIME in The Garden.
  6. We have defined the word manipulation, but we still do not see it until it is too late.
  7. We kill our fellow man now. That never used to happen. Men do this often in the name of GOD, but we know HE never wanted this.
  8. We have gone forth and multiplied so much that the planet will soon be at risk, but at least we have figured out what planets and universes are.
  9. We get drunker now than when we were in The Garden, and now we get hangovers.
  10. Scotch and cigars can kill us now, but we continue to use them.

Here is the conspiracy theory version of events:

  1. Women have been in on it from the beginning.
  2. Their arrival is nothing more than a carefully conceived plan to conquer the planet SO SLOWLY we do not notice how things are changing century to century.
  3. They got us thrown out of paradise.
  4. They have always been able to MANipulate us with sex.
  5. Initially, they followed most of our wishes.
  6. Later, they would become educated and not do as much for us.
  7. They started to get jobs and earn their own money, and did even less for us.
  8. After that, they would get to vote and did even less for us.
  9. Later they would hold public office and lead countries, and use that as a reason to do even less for us.
  10. Now they are CEO’s telling men what to do, both at work and at home.
  11. Many men are now staying at home to raise the children; a job that was once exclusively their thing.
  12. Men are no longer running everything.
  13. Soon, as women become even more powerful, they may keep the male children from attending school and making money.
  14. At that point in the not too distant future, women will have completely conquered the planet, and men will be just the workforce of the female dominated globe.

GOD help us.

We know we are a constant source of disappointment to GOD, but the worst thing is many of us no longer care.

It seems, just as with HIM, we are now a constant source of disappointment to women now as well. We try very hard, but it is never enough. Could it be that women thought we men would grow faster than we are, and they too have become disappointed with our progress?

Why does everyone seem to want more from us?

Perhaps we should call another general meeting.

It seems new things can be our undoing.

. . .

My ridiculous version of events aside, a belief system of some kind is a necessary component of good overall health.  You do not have to believe broken telephone STORIES PASSED DOWN VERBALLY FOR GENERATIONS before WRITERS applied their take on them—much as I just did. You do not have to buy in to the INTERPRETATIONS OF THE TRANSLATORS who assembled a collection of stories. If we have learned anything in the last 5000 years . . . it is not wise to put your faith in EDITORS who did, or do, the bidding of Royalty or Religious Leaders because such people usually have an ungodly agenda.

Have a good week and go to a House of Worship IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER. That is why we still have them. Pray for my ruination if it helps, but don’t allow yourself to be MANipulated into giving them money you cannot afford.

If you are not into the above, make art. It is the only thing we have left to remind us of our time in paradise.