SAWD: Seasonal Affected Writing Disorder

I am a sufferer.

It was just over a year ago when I noticed I was willing to do anything except work on what would become my You & I Erotic Tales Trilogy, and here I am again, one year later, doing the exact same thing with my half-written work-in-progress: The $1.99 Author.

Have a seat.

No thanks, I’d rather stand.

The session begins.

Guilt.

Last year, I remember claiming the stress of a long-awaited issue finally being resolved as my reason for taking some me-time out of “the chair”.

This year I have a new excuse. I somehow conjured summer-like weather into November which kept me outside more than usual—and out of that god-forsaken chair. Besides, I published three e-books and a trilogy in paperback, and then did all the marketing crap we authors must do these days so someone will read our work. I deserve a break. Don’t I? Also, it’s 2020 with the world ending and all that. A little self-indulgence isn’t so wrong, is it?

Rationalizations.

FINE! I hate Fall. There, I said it. Mother Nature paints a post-apocalyptic horror scene every year which we must endure daily for months. There is no escaping her. She’s like a crazy street person who won’t leave you alone. Hotties in their costumes at a Halloween party is the only redeeming quality of the season, and this year the parties didn’t happen.

Pity party. What about Thanksgiving?

I love turkey dinners . . . so much so I used to travel hours to have one surrounded by ungrateful people who couldn’t give a flying f-ck if I showed up or not.

Bitterness. It will soon be December 22.

F-cking great. The least amount of daylight marking the beginning of another f-cking damp cold Canadian winter. F-ck you and your glass-half-full bullshit.

*****

Happy Holidays, everyone.

The truth of the matter is I get into the Christmas spirit by looking at all the lights in my hood. Christmas songs start playing in my head. I like pretending to be grumpy, and hating on all those people who put their trees up before the American Thanksgiving. Don’t tell anyone though. So far I’ve made myself three turkey dinners already and it’s only December 12. I also had reasonable success trying my hand at Yorkshire pudding for the first time. I’m good. I hope you can find peace somehow in these strangest of times.

*****

Compensating.

How long has it been since you were thoroughly f-cked within an inch of your life?

New Year’s resolution: Install a new shrink in my head.

*****

If you want a little more Christmas 2020 cheer, try my Ms. Creant blog and/or my You & I blog.

Waiting is the worst!

 

Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

They say “No news is good news.”

I disagree. Not knowing fosters anxiety even in a guy like me who is wildly over self-examined. You receive a cryptic message about an emergency situation telling you they will get in touch as soon as more information is available. You wait; all the while consciously trying not to think the worst, but as the hours pass you inevitably let your guard down allowing the darkest possible outcomes to play out in your mind.

Times like these test your beliefs. As my handful of readers already know, I am not religiously inclined, and I have attempted to shed almost all beliefs—viewing them as traps which serve no other purpose than to allow us to be manipulated, usually through fear. I no longer fear for myself, but I do fear for others; especially those close to me. After ten hours of checking my phone, I did something that helped to ease my mind which could be labelled in a number of different ways depending on the beliefs of the person applying the label. I looked at the sky and thought:

‘Please, let them be okay.’

Most would call this praying. A far smaller number would say I was putting positive energy into the universe to create a desired outcome. For me, it was merely a mental exercise to firstly accept a situation that was outside of my control, and secondly, a way to master my anxiety once again. I never say there is no God or gods. Instead, I leave room for the possibility. While I would like to think we live in a deterministic universe where we each have free will and where, if we channel our collective energies in a particular direction, we can control destiny or fate. Sadly, thus far at least, there is no absolute proof of this one either. What I find fascinating at times like this is I am willing to give them a go without any belief in them. My “Leave no rock unturned.” approach may be the reason. If it can’t hurt and could help then why not?

Studies into prayer and meditation show the human brain behaves very differently when we partake in these activities, indicating there is “something to them”. Maybe we level up our consciousness, or maybe we just reduce our brain activity to a level where we find clarity; where we can accept that some things are outside of our control, and where we can let go of our irrational fears. After all, it is fear that spawns our worries, and it is the quantity of those worries we created in our head which can lead us into full-blown anxiety.

Some would say my “prayer” was answered.

I will not and cannot allow this label to be applied to my story, for if I do, I would become narrow or closed-minded with a singular viewpoint, and I like to think I have outgrown being that guy.

Why choose black or white when there is so much gray area to be explored?

It took two more hours of waiting, but the news I finally received was not terrible. Did God intervene at my request? Not likely. Did I use my incredible mind powers to have the universe alter our reality? I seriously doubt it. So what did happen then?

Life happened.

Things are not in our control. They never have been throughout recorded history. Everything is temporary, including each of us. The control freaks who rise to power and prominence do so by having a narrow focus. It serves them for a while, but historically, it inevitably leads to their demise because a time ALWAYS comes when they need to consider possibilities outside of their doctrine. We see maniacal despots in the media each day who are single-mindedly hell-bent on creating division and hatred everywhere they can. They only have power over the closed-minded, and this is why they work so hard at recruiting or creating the like-minded.

Avoid choosing a side because neither side can see the other possibilities.

It’s been a rough year, so why should December be any different? However, today’s news was not as bad as some of the outcomes from my anxiety based mental conjuring. For this I am grateful. As we enter the holiday season, I hope you and yours are safe, healthy, and happy. If you fall into this lucky group, please take a moment to realize how lucky you are. Not everyone is as lucky as you. Life really is about luck, and the funny thing about luck is it can change in the blink of an eye.

P.S.

If you know someone who espouses the notion that we make our own luck, remind them that while hard work and focus can help them climb the ladder of success, only a healthy person can cling to the rungs.

Happy Holidays.