Thanks to the SEO work I do when publishing each blog, I will be forever searchable using tags like: easy author, easy writer, and a few others I haven’t thought of yet. When a female reader comes along, I cannot help but crush on them a little. If they are reading my book, I can feel my heart beating in my chest as they give me their impression of my work. Often, they update me as they read—a blow by blow if you will—every encouraging word softly stoking my psyche.
It’s not that I’m an egotist.
Praising a writer is like showing love to an abused animal; they quickly return that love any way they can, and it’s an honest loyal kind of love . . . until the leg humping begins.
As for the extra special ones who took the time to write a favourable review. . . well . . . they could have me with a snap of their fingers.
As if the mother Zucker wasn’t bad enough with obvious societal conditioning techniques built into his flakebook algorithm, now twitter is showing its hand. They too have had their user privacy issues, but twitter was always a place where you didn’t feel as controlled and manipulated. You could reach out to people the world over, and if you added them to a list, you could see everything they posted. If they were not English speaking, you could click the translate button to see what was on the minds of people in Europe, Asia, the Middle East. . . to gain a more honest global perspective than what we are offered in American media.
That ended today!
Twitter has been ramming the “New Twitter” down our throats for a while, but we had the option to revert to “Legacy Twitter” which many users did. It wasn’t an option today, and the Translate Tweet function was gone in addition to some other user niceties.
‘We can’t have American minds being contaminated by other countries.’
They are closing up the box with us in it.
This final straw will hasten my departure from anti-social media. They just keep taking away all that was good about these platforms and replacing them with more ads and user data collection. I don’t need to stick around to watch the death of social media, I’m just glad to see it go.
The appeal is obvious—aside from wishing we were genius billionaire philanthropists—there are times when we wish we could take matters into our own hands; to be a lone gun-slinger, dispensing our own brand of justice or seeking retribution. Alas, until “civilization” slides a little farther into the abyss, or we have nothing left to lose, we must settle for watching others wreak vengeance in film and video games; living vicariously through them. But oh how we wish sometimes. . .
What we believe is a choice, BUT we are not taught this.
When we are old enough to grasp the idea, we are told we have free will which allows us to make our own choices, BUT by that point we have already spent years being indoctrinated into the beliefs of our parents, the culture of our forefathers, and the society in which we live. All too often, the beliefs imparted to us by these three influences are not in agreement. This creates uncertainty in an individual who is trying to establish an identity of their own, BUT their emerging identity is not their own. It was supplied to them by those who disseminate INFORMATION from a position of authority who we are told we should respect. Parents, religious leaders, educators, doctors, the Internet, the media, and government leaders all influence the thoughts of young minds that are trying to establish for themselves what is true, BUT truth is a fallacy and nobody tells us this. There are things currently thought to be true which are passed along to us, BUT there are few real truths which we are privy to.
A truth is a belief supported by evidence and what is thought to be known, a.k.a. facts.
The problem is, all beliefs require a leap of logic which is often referred to as faith.
If we were to teach this simple idea globally, we would end the dark age which has been with our current incarnation of humanity for the last five thousand years. The age of enlightenment, that so many of us crave, begins with a fundamental shift in what we are willing to accept as being true from all the other flawed humans who disseminate information to us.
If we are cautious as to what we allow ourselves to believe, then we can resist indoctrination, and the thought control it represents.
To reach an age of enlightenment we must develop a heightened awareness which means we must see things as they are, and not as we would like them to be. Our propensity for denial, and our dismissive nature that was taught to us, must be replaced with open-mindedness and deep rational thought.
We must question everything we are told to believe that came from a source outside of our own experience.
Our parents were flawed, BUT we usually did not begin to see this until many years passed where we clung to every word they spoke. The INFORMATION they supplied us with helped to form our earliest beliefs. Most of us begin to see that our parents make mistakes, get their facts wrong at times, and are hypocritical at least occasionally. This creates a modicum of skepticism in our young minds the next time they lecture us about something they believe to be important. Our uncertainty began at home.
Religions are flawed because almost all of them have abandoned or corrupted—through interpretation and rationalizations—the good messages of their prophet(s). Most of the top twelve most popular religions have leaders who are a part of a system which is designed to profit from our fear of the unknown. They never give back as much as they receive, and some are wealthy beyond imagination. Many actively promote division from those who do not believe exactly as they do and sexism; while the worst endorse racism and violence or advocate ownership of weapons of violence. They supply us with INFORMATION which we are told to accept without question to prove we are faithful. Many of our beliefs came from a childhood which included religious indoctrination, BUT when we begin to see hypocrisy and inequality within our house of worship, it creates uncertainty that can lead to a crisis of faith in us. If this has happened to you, all you need to do is get back to basics. We are all completely capable of understanding messages of peace and love spoken by the prophets of every religion. We do not need a religious leader to explain peace and love to us. We do not have to be sheep led by a shepherd in order to be believers.
Our education systems are flawed and getting worse. We know this is due to budgetary cutbacks, which are seemingly always on the rise, BUT there are also teachers who believe they have the right to impart their flawed personal beliefs to their students. Many of our beliefs are created by our early years spent in school before the age where we could see a teacher as just another flawed human. Textbooks are out of date and academia is slow to advance new findings, however unimpeachable, which challenge long held beliefs. Students are required to absorb and regurgitate this questionable INFORMATION, learning only to accept or reject facts based on an authoritative source without ever thinking about alternative possibilities or delving deeper into the topic. Uncertainty is created when students find out what they were taught is no longer true. Indoctrination is alive and well in higher education too, where new INFORMATION must be approved for publication by peers who are afraid of upsetting those who fund research. Knowledge is completely controlled by those who supply funding. It appears the so-called elites wish to create and maintain a knowledge gap between what they know and what we are allowed to know. This would explain the budgetary cutbacks in public education. A stupid populace is more easily led. Do not cling too tightly to facts you were given in school. My 1960’s era Encyclopedia Britannica is only good for its old book smell, its ability to flatten a curled piece of paper, and a good laugh when researching anything scientific.
People with credentials are flawed. If doctors were perfect, there would be no need for malpractice insurance. Fact: According to the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), medical negligence is the third leading cause of death in the U.S.—right behind heart disease and cancer. In 2012, over $3 billion was spent in medical malpractice payouts. So unless your doctor graduated at the top of his or her class and possesses an eidetic memory, they are flawed; despite the air of arrogance their indoctrination taught them to exhibit. For the sake of your health and that of your family, you need to be uncertain of the INFORMATION you receive. Whether you are dealing with a M.D. or a PHD working with genetically modified organisms, vaccines or cancer treatments, you cannot completely believe what they have to say until you verify who signs their paychecks.
The Internet is a good thing—the last bastion of truth—it cannot be flawed . . . right? If this were so, why did the military industrial complex a.k.a DARPA give us a billion dollar system free of charge? Fact: The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) is an agency of the U.S. Department of Defense in charge of development of emerging technologies for use by the military. Digital communications are a way for you to be known and compartmentalized by all manner of databases that are available to a host of security agencies. These agencies want to know everything about everyone; especially problem children like me who would undermine their authority if we only knew how. The primary purpose of the Internet, aside from creating yet another distraction to tie up the populace, is to create doubt through disinformation practices. By spreading uncertainty, the public puppets controlled by the-powers-that-be create anxiety and fear in the majority of the indoctrinated sheep living within any country. If one thousand scientists say global warming is real, the puppeteers, who wish to maintain the status quo, can put up their own bought-and-paid-for findings to create doubt. Where there is doubt, there will be endless debate without resolution in the on-line community, and the powers-that-be achieve their goal of maintaining the status quo. Did you know smart phones, computers, and smart TV’s are not necessarily off when you power down? It has been proven you can still be tracked, listened to or even watched when these devices are off. Cover cameras and disconnect your Internet cable when not in use. Just how much of your personal information is stored? Buy a new smart phone and magically all your old photos will arrive to your new phone. “The cloud” contains everything you ever communicated or shared on-line. The Internet is a means of controlling INFORMATION to keep sweeping change from happening.
It is the devil’s pipeline of lost souls . . . if you believe in such things.
The media creates uncertainty by supplying INFORMATION that is flawed. It is often poorly sourced, poorly researched, poorly fact checked, and fake news items are becoming more and more frequent. News stories which do not further the agenda of the-powers-that-be are no longer considered “newsworthy”. Omission of INFORMATION is their primary means of manipulation and control of the thoughts reaching a populace. They spread stories perpetuating fear, anxiety, and even hate twenty-four hours a day, because a frightened anxious populace is easier to manipulate into sanctioning retaliatory violence, preemptive violence or even a declaration of all out war. We no longer are shown the destruction our countries military forces are inflicting on less militarily capable countries, and we are never shown civilian targets that were destroyed based on military intelligence INFORMATION.
There is a great deal of uncertainty created by the leaders of most countries these days. Many of these world leaders are exceedingly flawed, and some overtly show off just how damaged they are. Our democracies are not completely dead. We hold elections. We appear to have a choice of parties. The leaders change frequently. Politicians are, technically speaking, duly elected to lead a party, BUT they are approved and nominated by people within the party with influence a.k.a. special interest groups and the-powers-that-be. As divided as our primary liberal and conservative elements seem to be, they do have one thing in common. They are both equally backed by the-powers-that-be representatives working inside each party. The title of government leader is now a misnomer because the faces we associate with leadership are just marionettes.
The 26th U.S. president, Theodore Roosevelt made this statement about the secret government stating, “”Behind the ostensible government sits enthroned an invisible government owing no allegiance and acknowledging no responsibility to the people.””
It appears the-powers-that-be existed before America ramped up for production of weapons in WWII creating the military industrial complex.
Dwight D. Eisenhower warned us in his 1961 speech: “”In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.”” “”We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.””
We should have taught this in schools, BUT the-powers-that-be did not want this. In 2017, we now take everything for granted and our citizenry is oblivious and being dumbed down.
Just two years later JFK would be assassinated. Some say he was killed because he wanted to create a more transparent government with oversight.
The Washington Post reported a black budget of “$52.6 billion was set aside for operations in fiscal year 2013. The CIA, NSA and National Reconnaissance Office (NRO) receive more than 68 percent of the black budget. The National Geo-spatial Intelligence Program’s (NGP) budget has grown over 100 percent since 2004.”
A black budget covers expenses related to military research and covert operations, often without government oversight. The figures shown do not factor in corporate and private money invested in black projects beyond the intelligence agency arena and into space and technology. Some projections are as high as 1.3 trillion dollars—this represents +/- 30% of the entire US economy. The-powers-that-be take from the citizens of the US and other Western countries and then tell us to f@ck off when we want to know how OUR money is being spent. They cite matters of national security to make us go away.
Ethan Wolff-Mann wrote in time.com’s Money Section in an article titled: 7 Amazing Things America Could Have Bought Instead of a $1.45 Trillion Jet: “The F-35 project has been one of the most expensive military projects in history, and will cost upwards of $1.45 trillion by the time it’s over.”
It was this article that prompted this long winded journey. Canada had signed up to purchase this plane even though it does not have the speed or range to be an effective interceptor, nor does it feature the dual engines needed for reliable arctic patrol work. I questioned why Canada had even entertained it, aside from its F/A designation. We need a new multi-role fighter but the F35 is not it. My journey began by asking: Just who is capable of exerting enough pressure for us to make such a bad purchase? Fortunately, our current administration scrapped the F35 purchase, for the time being at least. There is absolutely nothing about this plane which justifies a number in the trillions. We must ask:
If all that money was not spent on this plane, then where did it go?
This is the aviation equivalent to a $1000.00 toilet seat.
In 2008, Barack Obama promised the most transparent administration in U.S. history. “No more secrecy,” he said. “That is a commitment that I make to you.”
Jun 2, 2015 – The USA Freedom Act is modified and signed by President Barack Obama. It essentially continued the Patriot Act which empowered the the secret keepers a.k.a. the FIVE intelligence gatherers and their TWELVE “active” partners to do what they do without being bothered by the administration.
Prior to being elected on Oct 20, 2015, Justin Trudeau promises to repeal ‘problematic elements’ of surveillance Bill C-51.
June 2017, The “anti-terrorism” legislation which resulted in huge protests, petitions, and condemnation from academics, remains in place while discussions take place over the summer.
It appears that both North American leaders ran out of leash when it came to confronting the-powers-that-be about secrecy and intelligence gathering matters.
Who are their masters? I am still working that out for myself, BUT we can definitely begin with the heads of:
Office of the Director of National Intelligence
Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)
United States Department of Defense
Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA)
National Security Agency (NSA)
National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency (NGA)
National Reconnaissance Office (NRO)
Twenty-Fifth Air Force (25 AF)
Military Intelligence Corps (MI)
Marine Corps Intelligence Activity (MCIA)
Office of Naval Intelligence (ONI)
United States Department of Energy
Office of Intelligence and Counterintelligence (OICI)
United States Department of Homeland Security
Office of Intelligence and Analysis (I&A)
Coast Guard Intelligence (CGI)
United States Department of Justice
Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Office of National Security Intelligence (ONSI)
United States Department of State
Bureau of Intelligence and Research (INR)
United States Department of the Treasury
Office of Terrorism and Financial Intelligence (TFI)
We can unequivocally state the masters are male.
They support and wish to maintain a patriarchy which has existed for at least 3000 years.
I find it both hilarious and disturbing that despite this massive effort to allegedly keep the populace safe, we are less safe than ever before. It leads one to believe they are not spending our tax dollars on security at all, and possibly, it is these agencies themselves that are creating security threats to justify their existence.
AND . . . what if these guys are just puppets too?
Is there a throne?
(Hint: I do like some of the dot connections made by some of the more intelligent conspiracy theorists, but I am still resistant to alien overlords as the answer. 😀 )
Coping in an uncertain world requires awareness.
I research things, often historical in nature, to piece together a portion of a very big puzzle. By asking big questions like: Who are we? Where do we come from? What is our history? The few truths you find allow you to view only a tiny piece of the immense puzzle. You can guess at what the complete puzzle shows, but that just makes you a conspiracy theorist. Instead, find what factual accounts you can from good sources, and let them lead you not to a rigid belief, but to a possibility which inspires others to pick up where you left off.
An age of enlightenment will have to include these talking points.
Throughout time, ALL THREE have been co-mingled yet “proper society” does not allow us to discuss these topics openly. You are not supposed to talk of such things at dinner parties or in the workplace or in “mixed company” for fear of causing a heated debate amongst the guests that could lead to one or more of the guests being OFFENDED.
I DO NOT GIVE A RAT’S ASS!
“Offense is the best defence.” or visa-versa. I really do not know the correct reference and really do not give a rat’s ass.
By not talking openly about politics, sex and religion, mankind has stunted its growth.
Propriety has us hiding the facts; while living pretentiously helps to keep us in the dark ages.
Let us start by pulling the plug on “appropriate” language: EVERYONE SHITS; FARTS and MASTURBATES!
Women do not GLOW; they sweat just like men and horses.
Women do not FLUFF; they fart like beaned up cowboys when they think that no one is around, or worst of all, when they fall asleep while you are spooning them.
Politics is simply the appointing or voting in of SELF-SERVING LIARS and DESPOTS that the general public naively expect to have their best interests at heart.
Political Correctness- THERE IS NOTHING CORRECT ABOUT POLITICS! The two words should never be found in the same sentence.
PANDERING is the correct terminology.
Politicians pander to voters in all demographics. Business, women, minorities, the working class, the middle class, the upper class and all the special interest groups will be told exactly WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR in order to garner votes and campaign contributions.
An honest politician will not have a successful career.
Only dishonest politicians advance from Municipal to State (Provincial) to Federal politics. Along that path, these politicians discover that the real power lies with the wealthiest most INFLUENTIAL people on the planet- people that our lowly politician would be wise to befriend. Once done, our politician becomes a puppet doing the bidding of the PUPPET MASTER.
Our politician has seen what money looks like and wants that life for his or herself. Their ENTITLEMENT issues kick in and they start taking more and more WELL HIDDEN MONEY to sway their vote.
WHEN not IF, a politician bows to public pressure on an issue, they will find themselves out of favour with the puppet masters who will then discredit them or if the politician is the leader of a country, may actually assassinate them for their lack of obedience.
So how can we fix this broken system?
WE MUST REMOVE MONEY AND INFLUENCE FROM POLITICS.
WE MUST REPLACE ENTITLEMENT WITH PRODUCTIVITY.
WE MUST NOT HAVE A TWO OR THREE PARTY SYSTEM where well-intentioned politicians are forced to tow the party line.
It is well established that we should all vote for the best person who would best represent our interests in our area rather than voting for parties or leaders. Few of us take that route as it seems futile to go up against a well established well funded candidate from one of the big parties.
Early on in the formation of democracies, most countries wrote passages into their “Bill of Rights and Freedoms” that would not allow military action on domestic soil.
These passages were written by PEOPLE WITH INFLUENCE to protect their interests and we have suffered with corrupt politics ever since.
It would require a MILITARY COUP D’ÉTAT to wipe the slate clean.
Blood would be spilt.
Economic chaos would ensue until the plan was completely understood by global markets.
Without the security of the military, the ousted puppets and their masters would start a murderous campaign to regain control.
This plan would require INCORRUPTIBLE MILITARY LEADERS.
Unfortunately, there exists a political system within the military and all this coup may accomplish is placing a different puppet on the throne. Under martial law, this top General could decide to keep the throne as a dictator doing the bidding of the puppeteers once again- only this time with absolutely no public voice.
But let us presume that we can find incorruptible military leaders whose only wish is to create a new government free of INFLUENCE, what then?
You would still require SOME bureaucracy at various levels of government but it could be streamlined dramatically to reduce wasteful governmental spending.
This would also create huge unemployment numbers as the government appointees and employees that lost their jobs and pensions as a result of our “down-sizing coup” would now be forced to work in the real world and that would not go well for them.
ALL POLITICAL PARTIES WOULD REMAIN but the candidates would have to campaign using their own audited assets.
This would of course continue to bring wealthy INFLUENTIAL people into politics if they choose to be there, but the upside is that we would actually SEE the puppet masters- they would not be hiding in the shadows any longer.
THE FORMER PUPPET MASTERS ARE NOT LIKELY TO RUN FOR OFFICE as neither they nor their candidates will have any CONTROL over how government monies are spent.
Once in office, governments and democracy will operate as before BUT WITH ONE KEY DIFFERENCE.
Bi-laws, Laws and Bills will be drafted as always but once approved by local, state (provincial) or congress (parliament) they will go to the NON-POLITICAL FINANCE DIVISION of each newly reorganized level government.
THIS EFFECTIVELY TAKES AWAY THE POWER, CONTROL AND INFLUENCE OF PUBLIC OFFICE.
Only genuine people wishing to spend their lives building a better country would be interested in the job.
The N. P. F. D. will be made up of the most brilliant financial minds that may include the top CFO’s in the country. They, WORKING ANONYMOUSLY IN TEAMS OF THREE, would be RANDOMLY SELECTED from across the nation, to take on the task of reviewing and approving a democratically produced Bill. If two of the three see the Bill as GOOD FOR BUSINESS and GOOD FOR THE COUNTRY then money will be released and the Bill will become law.
So why, would these CFO’s be interested in tiny municipal politics OUTSIDE THEIR SPHERE OF INFLUENCE? Answer: because they would NOT have to pay taxes that year for participating. Believe me when I say: they will line up to apply to be participants.
Taxation would be simplified:
EVERYONE living above the poverty line will PAY 30%. That is every BUSINESS and every INDIVIDUAL over the age of 16 in the work-force. Eventually a surplus would be built up that would reduce the percentage.
THE MULTI-BILLIONAIRES WILL PROBABLY LEAVE and I say: good riddance to them and their INFLUENCE.
TAX INCENTIVES to attract business would be abolished.
If you want an off-shore mega-corporation in your backyard, give them land, utilities and a trained work-force as enticements but EVERYONE PAYS TAXES- especially them.
Of course the Senate would also be abolished to save the tax-payers vast sums of money.
ALL levels of government would be restructured to work WITHIN THE TAX BASE.
Deficit spending and inflation would be halted PERMANENTLY.
THE ECONOMY WOULD IMPROVE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY with many people having increased disposable income.
ALL non-productive public officials and public servants that spend the tax-payers money as though it was their own can be dismissed at any time REGARDLESS OF TERM and without pensions by PUBLIC VOICE.
Whether it is a town Mayor caught with his hand in the cookie jar or a President (Prime Minister) that is trying to go to war; both could be jobless upon a six month performance review and PUBLIC OUTCRY.
Can any of the above be accomplished within our existing system?
IT IS DOUBTFUL!
The system was created BY THE PEOPLE with influence FOR THE PEOPLE with influence and for 200 years they have had the LEGAL BRANCH of government drafting laws to create and protect their right to INFLUENCE.
Alas, I am but a writer of silly ideas, but perhaps there are young idealistic political scientists out there that have the determination to create the reforms needed without the need for chaos.
If only this youthful group knew how powerful they could become in a short period of time.
THERE ARE 17 MILLION OF YOU IN AMERICAN COLLEGES ALONE.
There are 46 million eligible voters that are under 30 years of age in the USA.
So, if each college student secured just 5 votes, you would have 85 million votes and YOU CAN CHANGE THE SYSTEM.
Create a reform party!
It only took 69 million votes to put Obama in office in 2008.
JFK was made a President by the young people of America who were tired of the status quo.
Our Universities are loaded with young dynamic and aware people that feel that there is no point to making the attempt.
THAT IS THE VOICE OF YOUR PARENTS TALKING IN YOUR HEADS.
You can do what they did not.
Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!
Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.
Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as HOW MIDDLE AGED MEN STOP GIVING A RAT’S ASS.
Enjoy your week and go pull down a government if you can.
What if the great mysteries are not as difficult as we are led to believe?
What if the flip-flop is the key to everything?
Physicists are directed by mathematics which seemingly contain a logical consistency within the formulae. They then attempt to prove their theoretical ideas. Lately, they have had some successes.
But what if the sciences are just a racket?
For the last 5500 years since Mesopotamia, the most brilliant minds pitched the wealthiest people around, usually kings and religious leaders, and played on their FEARS; promising them answers to impossible questions in return for MONEY.
We call this the grant system today.
Paranoid governments fear the other inhabitants of Earth and will pay anything to the person who can offer SECURITY. I guaranty if you can show you are close to being able to put an energy shield over the USA, you will quickly have incredible amounts of money raining down on your head.
What if THE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING hinge on just one answer in a different discipline, and what if almost nobody is studying that area?
I believe ALL THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE will be unlocked the day we understand why women need SO MANY shoes.
It is summer, and with this season comes the clicking of flip-flops. A young girl who could actually run in hers inspired this writer to attempt to motivate the scientific community to make a serious study of this bizarre phenomenon.
Early man learned that foot protection meant he could hunt and gather in places where others feared injury. He could walk on jagged rocks, and fish in coral shallows just by wrapping his feet in the skins of the animals he hunted.
He learned successful hunting strategies:
Hunting by stealth meant blending in and not standing out.
Sneaking up on your prey meant being quiet.
Women were probably once equal to their mates thousands of years ago when humans were migrating to warmer climates following their food supply. They most likely went hunting and gathering with their mate for mutual advantage. Simply, a pair could hunt better than an individual.
Inequality and glass ceilings did not exist in this period of human history.
That would all come later.
This is the prehistorical life of Oog.
(This is also about how some academics spin a tale; often on the flimsiest early evidence.)
In most cases, the men of the time did notice that their mate could not lift as big a stone as they could. There were other differences too. The biggest being that for about three moons, after three seasons together, her belly swelled causing her to not want to travel or hunt until she produced a new little hunter. These new hunters were too noisy to take hunting until many moons had passed.
On some hunting trips, Oog would also notice his hunting partner was looking for prey where he would not think to look. She would stop to smell the prey often near brightly coloured flowers. She would stop and watch brightly coloured flying insects to learn their secrets. She would stop and listen to noises made by a brightly coloured bird. Oog knew SHE WAS INDEED IN TOUCH WITH POWERFUL MAGIC which was beyond his understanding.
Oog would hunt alone most of the time now, and was not travelling as far as they once did prior to the little hunters. He would arrive back at the cave to find that his hunting partner had been busy. There were hides covering the ground in the cave and she would make him take off his foot-wrappings before he could walk on them—especially when it had been raining. She had brought the brightly coloured flowers into the cave to attract prey so that Oog would not have to travel so far to find food. SHE WAS WISE so he complied with her wishes.
One particular day in Oog’s memory, he returned to the cave to find his hunting partner wearing something other than foot-wrappings on her feet. She had scraped fallen tree branches on rocks until she had made two small wooden planks the size of her feet. Then she had taken the tip of her spear and spun it until she had made two holes in each plank. Finally she tied strips of hide through the holes creating a loop that was just big enough for her big toe. As she walked they slapped the bottom of her feet and made a clacking sound that was surely designed to ward off dangerous animals. Why else would she have gone to all this trouble? With the top of her feet exposed they were not warm, but now she could walk over the sharpest coral for hours without cutting through the new foot protectors. Oog decided this was why she did it, and IT WAS A GOOD THING.
A short time later, she had applied the juices of a plant to her wooden foot protectors making them brightly coloured so her feet would be camouflaged when she hunted in the fields of flowers she spent so much time in. Oog thought he must be the most fortunate hunter of all time to have a hunting partner AS SMART AS HIS. He asked her to make him a pair.
Some moons later she presented him with a set of his own. He put them on and immediately noticed that stepping on a small stone no longer hurt his foot. He squeezed her affectionately as SHE OBVIOUSLY CARED SO MUCH ABOUT HIM that she was trying to take his pain away.
He could not wait to go hunting with them on his feet.
At the earliest light, Oog put on his footwear and attempted to run after the prey in the flowery field. After only his second stride, the wooden plank of his right foot caught a tree root which tripped him up and caused him to fall hard to the ground.
His big toe was bleeding.
Undaunted, and shaking off the pain in his big toe, Oog began to stalk the prey much more slowly being careful not to make the clacking sound associated with his new foot protection. He sneaked up on many prey birds that day, and had the most successful hunt ever. His amazing hunting partner had forced him to become a stealthier hunter, and it had worked. Oog was beaming with pride in his hunt, and IN HIS SELECTION OF A SUCH AN AMAZING MATE. It was at that instant a sabre-toothed tiger attacked and killed him. It seems the killer cat had been following the blood trail from his injured big toe.
Oog was the first FLIP-FLOP FATALITY.
Oog’s widowed hunting partner would soon find another mate to wear the flip-flops, named Ugg. He would later die at the base of a cliff after losing his footing on some loose stones and falling to his death.
Years later, some tribesmen in a hunting party would stumble across Ugg’s skeletonized remains and remove his unusual footwear. The flip-flops were well-preserved by the colour applied to the wood. The hunting party, upon returning to the village, would present them to their tribal chief who would wear them proudly. His warriors would have their mates make them some as well, to emulate and honour their great chief.
They began to lose many battles after that, and they knew not why. Eventually, all the warriors were gone and the victors took the women of the village as slaves and mates. These women knew how to make flip-flops, and they did not like their conquerors.
Skip ahead 40,000 years to our modern times.
The flip-flop is still with us.
Women continue to love them, and some men still attempt to use them—especially now that they come with bottle openers built into their soles.
The flip-flop related fatalities continue as well.
Today, thanks to fashion magazines, yearly changes to seasonal colours drive up the quantity of flip-flops you will find stored throughout your house. Your mate will tell you some needed replacing because of wear while others were needed to keep up with colour trends, but the collection can grow by as much as ten pairs per year and rarely are any parted with.
Similarly, flats, pumps, runners, boots, and the close relative to the flip-flop: the sandal, all apparently require the same upgrading and storage process to await their eventual return to fashionability.
Statistics indicate the average woman owns 21 pairs of footwear. I guess I know above average women. A study also shows women also usually own 9 pairs of shoes that were purchased for a singular occasion, and these too must be stored for years as a keepsake to remember the event.
From the data collected we can establish the following:
As this equation clearly indicates, women’s shoes will grow exponentially until they consume the planet, our solar system, our galaxy and finally our universe.
We must stop this threat.
Do not let yourselves be fooled gentlemen; women have been in on it from the beginning.
My book talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics—even physics, as well as HOW WOMEN CAN BE YOUR UNDOING.
Have a good flip-flop-free week.
I have absolutely no idea if the formula says anything at all, but would it not be amazing if in the moment I was writing this the universe spoke to me. I just took a Fourier equation and plugged in the numbers 21 and 9 and then added a well known sorority.