Blog 16: TRUE LOVE and the key to keeping it alive.

The secret might just be never allowing COMPLACENCY to enter your relationship.

Easier said; THAN DONE!

 

TRUE LOVE, what is it?

That old couple sitting on a bench holding hands after a lifetime together- true love is in their eyes. He looks into her eyes and still sees the beauty that once was. She looks into his eyes and still sees the man who could raise her heart rate with a glance. She still makes him laugh and he still makes her feel safe.

My book looks at relationships in each decade in our lives. Teens with raging hormones learning about ATTRACTION; to twenty-somethings learning about SELECTION; on to the thirty-somethings learning about SETTLING and everything afterward to our final days.

The bio-chemistry of the pair bond is explained and science proves that it begins to sag after about two years, so true love must be more than the biological responses that kick-started the relationship.

TRUE LOVE begins with a GOOD MATCH.

Opposites may attract and each individual in the relationship may serve to offset the other’s negatives- creating a BALANCED COUPLE that is better and stronger together than individually.

However, these couples do not seem to be able to weather life’s storms, for as soon as the going gets tough and the couple is divided on an issue, the worst character traits of each surface often creating wounds that may never heal.

A good match will be less about initial ATTRACTION and more about quality SELECTION and SETTLING carefully. To accomplish this, you must TRULY KNOW the other.

COMMONALITY means that you will spend more time together as a couple, deriving enjoyment from the same things and you will have fewer things to argue about.

Over time this couple associates JOY with being in the company of their significant other. There is nowhere else that they would rather be. They are never bored. They have absolutely no reason to consider being unfaithful as they are SATISFIED on every level.

This may be how to BEGIN the journey to TRUE LOVE.

Take the test to see how you fair.

Upbringing:                                                                                       [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Education:                                                                                        [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Skill sets:                                                                                          [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Work ethic:                                                                                       [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Morals:                                                                                             [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Scruples:                                                                                          [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Personality Types:                                                                           [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on sex:                                                                                   [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on pets:                                                                                 [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on foods:                                                                               [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on children:                                                                           [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on lifestyle:                                                                            [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on physical health:                                                                [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on emotional health:                                                              [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on mental health:                                                                   [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on spiritual health:                                                                 [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on politics:                                                                             [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on society:                                                                             [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on mankind:                                                                          [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on the environment:                                                              [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on television programs:                                                         [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on film choices:                                                                      [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on music:                                                                               [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on live entertainment:                                                            [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on reading:                                                                            [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

Views on sports:                                                                              [  ] Similar       [  ] Different

With the passage of time, the world changes people.

Question: How did that old couple holding hands on the bench, weather so many of life’s storms without allowing events to damage their relationship?

ANSWER: THEIR COMMONALITY ALWAYS PULLED THEM THROUGH!

This couple is capable of living in a tent, cooking canned foods on a camp stove with no money and yet they remain HAPPY to be there with each other.

They have FAITH in each other so they BELIEVE that things will improve.

They have the PATIENCE to wait for brighter days.

They TRUST that both will eventually succeed in their endeavors.

They RESPECT the chosen path of their partner.

Their partner is a PERFECT match for them.

Their partner never required CHANGE.

They never had EXPECTATIONS of their partner.

They ACKNOWLEDGE their own CHOICES.

They are GRATEFUL for their partner CHOOSING them.

They are CONTENT with the CHOICE they made.

They LEARNED and GREW together.

They KNOW how FORTUNATE they are.

They are THANKFUL for their luck.

They were incapable of MANIPULATING the other.

They never had to LIE to the other.

They never wanted to or needed to keep SECRETS from the other.

They were capable of total HONESTY with each other.

They APPRECIATE all things- big or small that their partner does for them.

They WORKED for and achieved TRUE LOVE because it was EASY for them due to COMMONALITY.

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as HOW TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE IF YOU CHOOSE WISELY.

Happiness is for the brave among us.

You have to take some risks to achieve happiness.

You can minimize those risks by not thinking with your glands.

I TRULY LOVE my readers.

Have a great week and the next time you say “I LOVE YOU”; really mean it.

E. A.

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Blog 15.2: Taboo Subjects:

Politics, Sex and Religion!

An age of enlightenment will have to include these talking points.

Total honesty and frankness are necessary to discuss these topics.

FREEDOM of thought and expression are required in the societies of the world or nothing is resolved.

Part 2: SEX.

We are ALL driven to have it- whether alone, with another or with several others depending on your pathology.

In my book, I intentionally omitted a section on sexual acts, preferring instead to tell readers about how the brain and body responds to stimuli leading to sex and ultimately a pair-bond. There are only passing references to sexual acts as every conceivable one has been written to death since the advent of the internet.

A lyric from the song: “I’m an Adult Now” by the band: The Pursuit of Happiness, states that “sex is either boring or dirty”. While not wrong in many cases, the statement is not entirely correct either.

THE QUALITY OF YOUR SEX LIFE IS A CHOICE- just as with the quality of any aspect of your life.

You can make a great sex life a PRIORITY and put an EFFORT into accomplishing your goal, or you can view sex as merely something you need to do to reset your hormonal balance occasionally.

The latter is how sex can become boring.

Being “good in bed” means that you have RESEARCHED the subject, PRACTISED your skills, have a PASSION to improve and you enjoy the WORK. If you are not WORKING in bed, you are not as good a lover as you think.

So here is how your relationship can directly influence the quality of your sex life; or (visa-versa) here is how your sex life can directly influence the quality of your relationship.

Masturbation:

This is how we learn about our bodies and what triggers have the effect of “turning us on”. This is thought by many cultures to be a TABOO subject. Children are rarely prepared for this activity and most are left to figure it out for themselves. Once they have, most cannot discuss their findings with ANYONE.

THIS IS WHY A STIGMA IS ATTACHED TO SEX FROM THE BEGINNING.

Everyone does it, but no one talks about it in proper society.

Masturbation continues for most people throughout their lives as a go-to ESCAPE from daily pressures, unsatisfying sex with a partner or insufficient sex in a committed relationship.

MASTURBATION IS VIEWED WRONGLY BY MOST PEOPLE.

INSECURE MEN will think that when their partner is fantasizing and masturbating in the tub, is a comment on their sexual prowess. It usually is not; even if you have just an average sex life. Women rarely leave a relationship solely because of sex. They have MANY other criteria that they judge men on that rank much higher than sex.

INSECURE WOMEN view their partner’s masturbation habits as a signal that their significant other no longer finds them attractive. They think that he would rather be looking at pornography than at them. What women need to remember is that men view masturbation the way you view taking a long bath. It takes LITTLE EFFORT compared to having sex and is very relaxing.

ALMOST ALL HUMANS ARE LAZY. They usually take the fastest, simplest, easiest path to achieving an objective, so when sex with your partner becomes a CHORE that you do not want to do- it is a reflection of the quality of the rest of the aspects of your relationship.

Beginner Sex:

Let us all admit that our first sexual encounters were awkward, rushed and possibly unsatisfying- probably filled with anxiety during and potentially guilt afterwards.

If there is a singular most significant component to the loss of innocence on the path to adulthood, it is having sex for the first time. It even beats out the day you found out that Santa is not real.

Because sex in the early teen years is frowned upon by North American society, our children are rarely prepared and most do not use a condom the first time. This of course opens the door to childhood pregnancy and increases the risk of sexually transmitted disease.

Ideally, their first sexual experience is a result of a “young love” situation where boy meets girl. They date for some time- moving very slowly toward sex. Boy feels his first pair of breasts. Girl feels her first penis. Boy feels his first vagina. They engage in conventional penis in vagina sex using a condom and think that they are head-over-heels in love. Later they will experiment with other sexual acts as they explore these new found sensations.

A SHOCKINGLY HIGH PERCENTAGE OF BOTH MEN AND WOMEN NEVER GRADUATE BEYOND BEGINNER.

They hear things, read things and some watch things but conclude that not everyone can achieve this stuff so they do not put any further EFFORT into the activity.

20% of healthy women have never had an orgasm of any kind.

50% of women have never had a vaginal orgasm.

95% of women have never had a squirting G-spot orgasm.

There are sexless relationships that are about companionship, friendship, mutual advantage and so forth. For some it can work.

I tried it once. It was not for me.

Casual Sex:

This is where sex becomes dirty for most.

Because most casual sexual encounters lack affection, respect is not present and there are no boundaries. For the uninhibited, this opens a door to a whole new world of sexual exploration that will quickly lead to depravity.

Casual sex is often very selfish sex. I remember an instance where a woman climbed off; said thanks and left for an appointment without so much as a kiss on the cheek. She left me high and not so dry and told me to finish on my own.

Conversely, I freely admit that I cared so little about past “receptacles” that I rarely could remember their names- EVEN DURING!

Honeymoon Sex:

If you have a WILLING and OPEN-MINDED partner, you can explore human sexuality together- growing and learning about each other as a couple. As the comfort level increases, it becomes EASIER to please one-another- taking LESS EFFORT. Once this level of intimacy is reached, there is little desire to go elsewhere for sex that will not be as good or that would require a greater EFFORT.

SEX CAN BE ADDICTIVE to lazy humans.

This pattern of behaviour often creates THE HONEYMOON EFFECT as I call it, where a couple stays in a committed relationship purely as a result of great sex.

Unfortunately, about two years in, when hormonal responses NATURALLY begin to decline, the couple may find that there is little else of value to their relationship and part.

Those are the smart ones.

This is my pathology.

I have been guilty of this practice throughout much of my life and I am working on it.

My basic problem is that I do not REQUIRE a woman in my life for anything other than sex. I am very independent, unlike so many men out there that cannot function without a woman directing their lives. I enjoy an attractive dinner companion / conversationalist and I try not to sleep with them – especially if they have a brilliant mind.

Unfortunately, a great many of these couples will have come to rely on this relationship for SECURITY: a roof over their heads- living together; financial security- joint accounts and mutual debt; or perhaps worst of all, because children are involved.

SEX IS A BAD BEGINNING TO A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP.

Initially, they committed to the relationship because the sex was great and it was easy- THEY WERE LAZY.

They will have to do a TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF WORK on their relationship from this point forward in order to stay together and the odds are against them.

Adult Sex:

Genuine mutual affection (LOVE) means that MUTUAL RESPECT exists in the relationship.

The couple understands that RESPECT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SEX to their future.

The couple is open-minded and willing to experiment BUT WITH BOUNDARIES that NEVER create a situation that may sacrifice the COMFORT LEVEL of either party or their MUTUAL RESPECT for each other.

Communication PRIOR to experimentation is the key to fun adult sex in a SOLID LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP.

If this does not sound like your relationship, then you need to WORK on it.

Quit being so LAZY!

My book:

Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers!

Life with Women: the long awaited instruction manual.

Talks of relationships, health, life, biology, philosophy, sociology, theology, genetics- even physics as well as HOW COMPLACENCY KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

If you have someone in your life that you RESPECT and have good sex with, tell them that you love them often.

You are one of the very few lucky ones.

I am working on my misogynistic tendencies just in case there is an extraordinary woman out there that needs me EVEN LESS than I need her.

Have a great sex filled week.

E. A.