When Will We Get It?

Most days I root for humanity . . . some days I root for space rocks.

If you enjoy reading about patriarchy and the puppet masters, you are in the right place.

In my storied online “career” (?), I was a good, not so little, author who played nice in the early years. I “friended” and/or followed approximately 10,000 people, sites, and pages because that was what we were told was necessary to promote our books and build a platform to launch us. However, as I delved deeper into the publishing world, I found out it was all a sham to keep us busy, and, most importantly of all, to keep us blowing money. Now, after five years and spending months cleaning out my social media accounts, I have about 300 interesting “friends” and follow about 300 others.

Some of the people I axed were butt-hurt.

If they were true supporters, they were given my reasons, but most were people who never engaged in all the years I kept them around. This idea of “friending” or “following” just to have impressive numbers is laughable, and anything but social.

My new antisocial media program is simple.

If I am ever to make enough time to write seriously again, social media has to go—except twitter—I love my twitter in the mornings over coffee, and I can “misbehave” there. I have a new ‘boobies and books’ theme I am thoroughly enjoying. Do I care some will be offended? F-ck no. Do I care about the imagined publisher or agent passing on me because I don’t conform? Hells no. It’s just bullshit “they” feed newbies. The right agent or publisher will get me, or I will self-publish again, but in a much smaller way.

Here is the plan for this summer:

  1. Create and blog out memes daily, if possible.
  2. Power tweet on Fridays.
  3. Facebook on Saturdays.

In a perfect world, this system should:

  1. Drive up website traffic.
  2. Give me more monetized hours each day.
  3. Let me work on my tan.

Have a great summer.

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Blog 1: Where did it go?

{Editors Note: Four long years have gone by since I wrote this, and while my opinion of social media remains unchanged, the truth is I have grown to appreciate WordPress for being the least lame of all the sites mentioned in this article.}

Anti-social media bit me again.

Let us first make it clear that I am no dummy; having successfully worked with over 200 different software programs in my life to date. Most were INTUITIVE, requiring only about an hour at most before I was working comfortably.

After putting some forty hours in on the creation of a facebook presence, which I am told is required by the “Gods of Publishing”,

I accomplished the following:

  • I inadvertently launched 3 profiles with different friends in each.
  • I sent out friend requests to people multiple times.
  • I gave up on attempting to manage the different security levels.

Now after scrapping it and starting over, I have accomplished what I WANTED TO ACHIEVE, instead of what some BRAIN DEAD CODE WRITING DORK thought I should have. My facebook page has pretty pictures, a bit about me, a bit about the book, and everyone is a friend. If facebook had a facebook page would they get any Likes? Enough said.

Armed with only the most rudimentary fundamentals learned in my frustrating venture into social media via facebook, I endeavored to take on the next step to appeasing the Publishing Gods: blogging.

After a bit of research, I decided that WordPress was the correct avenue for my endeavor despite WARNINGS that while powerful, it could be very complex. I was cocky after successfully facing-off with facebook and winning in overtime. I had an account set up in no time, picked a theme and started writing a heart-felt blog about completing my first book.

ALL MY PREVIOUS TRAINING HAS TAUGHT ME TO SAVE; SAVE; SAVE so I created a draft and saved as I went.

I read the bar at the top of the page that SEEMED TO INDICATE my blog would only be published when I confirmed my account through my e-mail. Once I finished my editing of my 384 word masterpiece, I decided to add a pretty picture as well. It all seemed simple by comparison to my facebook experience. In fact there was a certain commonality in the tools and icons which should have raised the hairs on the back of my neck, but unfortunately I missed the warning sign.

Here is what I actually accomplished:

  • My draft is fracking gone!
  • The picture is there.

I went home to ponder my next move over some Jack Daniel’s and wrote this rant instead of attempting to regurgitate the lovingly crafted lost blog. When I calm down I will attempt to reassemble those thoughts for you.

I do not think the BDCWD’s get the “KISS” acronym. For those not familiar with this STANDARD BUSINESS PRINCIPLE, it means “Keep It Simple Stupid”. Quality software developers strive for this daily.

They ask questions like:

  • What is the simplest way of achieving this goal?
  • Can we shorten the number of steps?
  • What percentage of users will use this function?
  • Does this really need to be there?
  • Are we valuing the time of our users?
  • Is what we are creating user-friendly and intuitive for the average user?

‘Just because you can do a thing, does not mean you should do a thing.’

You need to KEEP A CLEAR HEAD IN ORDER TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES. All the BRAIN DEAD CODE WRITING DORKS I know smoke pot. This explains a great deal of what I have encountered on social media sites thus far. Let’s hope in a week or so from now, twitter will do better.